The husband is committed to his wife and she to him. However, ‘leaving’ does not mean that we abandon our parents. Rather, we are to honor them. The word honor means to show respect. It means treating parents with kindness and dignity. Leaving parents and honoring parents are both biblical commands.

Answer: I think it’s a genuine and legitimate concern. What I would suggest is this: If a child’s love language is gifts, the gifts don’t have to be expensive and they certainly don’t have to be everything a child is asking for. That would be a serious mistake. You can give them little things: a stone you pick up in a parking lot, a flower from the garden, just one bite of candy. Little things will mean a lot to this child. In terms of gifts, you give them something you think will be helpful for them. Don’t give them everything they ask or that will teach them materialism. But give them those things that will be beneficial for them.

Answer: Pornography can destroy marriages. It denigrates women and does nothing to enhance relationships. So, recognizing that this is a problem and then turning away from it is one of the most powerful things you can do. I would suggest, depending on how far you are down the road, that you either read a good book that deals with this on how to break the pattern. However, if you really are addicted to it, I suggest you see a Christian counselor and let them help you, along with God’s help, break the addiction. Pornography will never enhance your marriage. Turning away from it is a positive step.

On the other hand, had I been patient, I would have asked questions in an effort to understand my wife’s behavior. Once I understand what motivated her behavior, I’m more likely to have a reasoned response. I am now her friend and she responds positively to a friend. The whole atmosphere remains positive because I chose to be patient.

I’ve known people who will sit stone-faced and listen to the ranting and raving of their spouse and then get up and walk out of the room with no comment. This is not patience it is isolation. It is self-centeredness.

Patience is caring enough to listen empathetically with a view to understanding what is going on inside the other person. Such listening requires time and is itself an expression of love. Patience might mean remaining calm when what the other person is saying is hurtful. Patience says, “I care enough that no matter what you say or how you say it, I will listen and try to understand.

Answer: I don’t think it’s a matter of having separate Facebook pages. There’s nothing sinful about that. The important thing is that you both have access to each other’s Facebook accounts. Don’t hide anything from each other. Now, if you’re having a conversation with someone on Facebook and you don’t want your spouse to know about it, that’s deceitful and doesn’t build a marriage. Technology can be good as long as you’re being open with it—but don’t use it to keep things from each other.

Answer: One of the best things, I’ve found, is to encourage couples to share a book with each other. Ask a friend if you don’t have an idea for a book. You each read a chapter separately and at the end of the week, you share one thing you learned about yourself in that chapter and then they share one thing they learned about themselves. What you’re doing is being exposed to ideas and learning about yourself. Now if the book has assignments, I would suggest you do this assignments. It’s like self-counseling. Sharing a book is a good idea.

We get irritated just waiting for the computer to boot up. We are also impatient with people who don’t operate on our time table or waitresses who bring us the wrong order. And yet, patience is one of the traits of love. To be loving is to be patient. In a nutshell: patience is accepting the imperfections of others.

Patience begins by recognizing that people are not machines. They have thoughts, feelings, and they make decisions. Those decisions do not always please us, but we must give them the same freedom that God gives them. To condemn your son for not going to college will not have a positive effect on his life. Step back, and give him freedom to be human.

In the back of my book Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way, I have a little card that can be torn out and posted on the refrigerator. It reads, “I’m feeling angry right now. But don’t worry, I’m not going to attack you. But I do need your help. Is this a good time to talk.” So, when you’re angry you take the card and read it to your spouse. Now you are on the road to resolution.

Answer: I think the first step is to recognize that there are priorities in life. And People are more important than projects. The job is always going to be there—there will probably always be more than you can get done. But the more important thing is your relationship with this person. If we make people I priority, then speaking their love language becomes one of the things we’re committed to doing­­—and we’re doing it because this is more important than working late tonight. Giving quality time can be difficult when you’re a busy person but making time for priority is the key.