Whose Money?
Remember when we were kids and our parents told us to share? Why was that so hard? Well if we thought it was hard to share our toys it’s even harder to share our money. When you get married it’s time for a change in the mentality of, “Mine!”
When you get married, it is no longer, “your money” and “my money,” but rather “our money.” Likewise, it is no longer “my debts” and “your debts,” but rather “our debts.” When you accept each other as a partner, you accept each other’s liabilities as well as each other’s assets.
A full disclosure of assets and liabilities should be made before marriage. It’s not wrong to enter marriage with debts, but you ought to know what those debts are and agree on a plan for repayment.
Marriage is two becoming one. Applied to finances, this means that all our resources belong to both of us. One of us may be responsible for paying the bills and balancing the checkbook, but this should never be used as an excuse for hiding financial matters. Full and open discussions should precede any financial decision. Marriage is enhanced by agreement in financial matters.
If you’re the “bread-winner” of the family how do you maintain humility and remember that it’s not YOUR money? If you have a lot of debt in your name, do you ever feel blamed by your spouse for that? We can lift one another up if we remember that all we have belongs to the Lord anyway.
How do you work out finances in your home, and remember the “OUR” rule?
I am not the bread winner. I bring home some money, and usually i feel like it is my money. But not in a way of ownership, only in that i was the contributor. My husband recently let it known that he felt like he was inadequate because of the way i refer to his and my money. I promised him to stop doing that, and to start thinking of it as our money. Money is, in my opinion, the biggest relationship breaker. Ive seen it tear families and even friends apart.
Dave Ramsey's class financial peace helped us alot. we really struggled with the ours. we had seperate accounts for years and after the FPU class we combined everything and started working together. we create a budget and really work together on paying things and deciding what we are going to spend our money on now.
Angela, I don't know if you've seen, but you are our winner for May Blog for Books. I sent you an email last week did you receive this? If so, would you mind just taking a minute and responding to my email with your shipping address. I would love to send you your book soon. Thanks! And, Congratulations! Kristen ArnoldMarketing AssistantMoody PublishersThe Name You Can Trust.
My husband and I both work. And we bring home nearly the same pay. We have seperate checking accounts, but one savings account. We don't normally fight over money, although my husband never thinks we have enough. I on the other hand am happy as long as all the bills are paid and we have food on the table. We each pay certain bills that we have agreed to pay and if one is short, due to missing a day of work or something the other one covers it. So far this method has worked for us. When it comes to our savings account we always talk about what is being taken out of it and for what reason before making a withdrawal. We typically only use that money for home improvements and emergencies. I like our method, because we each know what our obligations are and we still have a little money of our own. It is also easier for me to keep track of. I know this method wouldn't work for everyone, but we are both pretty responsible when it comes to money, so it works for us.
Sadly, I feel that my husband & I are just roomates with "benefits." We both contribute half of the household expenses, keep separate accounts, and don't know how the other is managing his/her debts. I cannot afford to make my student loan payments because I pay for half of our household expenses even though I work less. I don't know how to approach him anymore about this because it always turns out that it's not his problem that I have such large student loan debt. It's a horrid strain on me.
I’m late to comment, but our marriage is a mess… one problem area is the finances, only in that he says it is HIS money, because he earned it all, and therefore, HE makes ALL of the decisions.
We live in what used to be a nice neighborhood, but it has since gone rapidly downhill, with gang violence, drug dealing, and even a couple of drive by shootings (all of this happening directly in front of OUR house!) I feel that we need to get out of here to a safer place. However, my husband is content to stay here, and doesn’t care that I am fearful for our very lives. He earns the money, he makes all of the decisions.
Conflict resolution is such a weak point with us, that I don’t even know what a resolved conflict looks like. With us, it’s win/lose. And usually he wins. Only twice have I “won”. 1 – We home school. But then, since he works, he wouldn’t be home to force them onto a bus, so he couldn’t stop me from it. 2 – My livingroom is painted now. After many long arguments about how he likes it the way it was (primer white with a gray hand print over one window, and no decorations whatsoever), I got frustrated, and bought some paint and painted it. We still have literally NO decorations at all. Not even a photo of the kids. But he says I always have everything MY way. ::sigh!!:: Help!
You might want to consider speaking with your church pastor about who in your area can provide you with counseling. Or, visit one of the following websites for regional searches for trusted counseling professionals, insightful articles listed by topic, and resources that can provide some insight into your situation…
http://www.aacc.net
http://www.ecounseling.com
Dr. Chapman has personally provided a few answers to questions that have arisen over the years in his counseling and professional career. You can find them at this link:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/q-a/q-a-marriage
~Chapman Team