Acts of Service
This week we’re looking at “acts of service” – doing something for your spouse that you know they would like for you to do. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, changing the baby’s diaper, and painting the bedroom, etc.
If this is your spouse’s primary love language, nothing speaks as loudly as these acts of service. You may give him or her words of affirmation, but they are thinking, “Cut the talk. If you loved me, you would do something around here.” For them, actions truly speak louder than words.
Jesus gave a simple but profound illustration of expressing love by an act of service when He washed the feet of His disciples. In a culture where people wore sandals and walked on dirt streets, it was customary for the servant of the house to wash the feet of guests as they arrived. When we translate this into a marriage, it means that we will do acts of service to express love to our spouse. Why not choose one to express love to your spouse today?
You may be tempted to stop helping around the house because you get criticized. Your spouse’s critical remarks may be your best clue as to his or her primary love language. The next time your spouse criticizes you, look behind the criticism and see if you can discover their love language. They are trying to tell you what is important to them emotionally. Don’t fight the criticism. Seek to learn from it. Love effectively by learning your spouse’s primary love language and speaking it daily.
When I talk about acts of service as an expression of love, I am not talking about being a slave. When we treat our spouses as slaves, we remove the possibility of love because we remove their freedom. “If you were a good spouse, you would do this for me” is not the language of love. “You will do this, or you’ll be sorry” is manipulation, not love. If acts of service are to be acts of love, they must be freely given. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.
Learning to speak this love language may require some of us to reexamine our stereotypes of the roles of husbands and wives. Is this difficult? Perhaps. That’s why I use the word love language. Learning a new language may be difficult and take time, but it can be done. A willingness to examine and change stereotypes may be necessary in order to express love more effectively.
Is your love language Acts of Service? What are some creative ways that your spouse has filled your love tank?
One of your representatives (Kristen maybe?) commented on our blog http://www.craftieladiesofromance.blogspot.com and recommended your blog to us after one of our authors posted a review of your book. So glad to have found this blog! Thanks for allowing God to use your writing to help multitudes of relationships. Many Christian romance writers use your book as a craft book and as a reference when teaching writing workshops at http://www.acfw.com American Christian Fiction Writers and other various conferences. Blessings,Cheryl Wyatt
I just wanted to say that acts of service are a little way that I can share my love. I looked at service as something huge and outside but it can be as easy as just seeing what some else is doing and do something to help support them… DOing small things help make a big difference in our family… My husband hates the computer cause it takes away from ‘his time’ but when I assured him that I need to visit with friends and family and that I would keep it to 1/2 hour then he was much more willing to encourage my time on the computer. I also hate to do the dishes. He hates to cook. We do the job the other hates and sometimes even do the one we hate. That’s when you know you really are loved…