Q+A: Alcohol Addiction in Marriage

Q: Gary, how can you deal with alcohol addiction in a marriage, especially when that person doesn’t think they have a problem?

Gary: Well this is another very common phenomenon in our society. Alcoholism is very prevalent and often the alcoholic doesn’t see themselves as an alcoholic, they just see themselves as drinking. You see the problem, you see it effecting their lifestyle. I think we have to confront them on it, but also realize that they’re likely to push back. However, there does come a time where you say, “I love you very much and I cannot sit here and watch you destroy yourself. If you’re not going to get help then I’m going to get help because I cannot simply sit here and do nothing.” You invite them to go with you if they want. You go for counseling, you go share your struggle and let the counselor help you decide how you can be a positive influence on them trying to get them to the point where they reach out for help.

Q+A: Believing the Best

Q: Gary, when a relationship has weathered several trials, and then a partner suddenly “sees the light” and starts changing (for the better), how does one go about trusting that the change is real?”

Gary: Well you won’t know ultimately until you give it some time. Why not hope for the best instead of saying, “I just can’t respond to you because I don’t think this will last.” Why not say, “I’m glad to see this change taking place in you and I pray that we can continue to grow in our relationship.” If you create a positive climate then it’s more likely to continue than if you are negative by suggesting to them that it is not going to last and that they’re just trying to manipulate you. That sort of thing gets you nowhere. Believe the best.

Differences in Communication

“I used to think that I was doing a good job of expressing appreciation to those who worked for me. However, when we took the Motivating By Appreciation inventory, I discovered that many of my employees had very different appreciation languages.” What this manager discovered is what many managers are discovering: what makes one person feel appreciated is not what makes another person feel appreciated. The Motivating By Appreciation inventory comes free with the book: The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. Dr. Paul White and I are thrilled with the results we are seeing in all types of companies: from hair salons to construction companies, people are learning how to effectively express appreciation and thus create a more positive workplace.

Creating a Positive Emotional Climate in the Workplace

Words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch – you know them as the 5 love languages. But I also believe they are the 5 languages of appreciation in the workplace. Let’s face it, we spend long hours each day in our place of employment. Why not seek to create a positive emotional climate so that all of us enjoy of jobs more. Don’t wait for your supervisor to read the book. Read it yourself and challenge your group of co-workers to discuss and discover each other’s primary appreciation language. The book? The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. Dr. Paul White and I are seeing this book change the emotional climate in thousands of businesses around the world. Why not yours?

Emotional Climates in the Workplace

Do you and your co-workers feel appreciated for the work you do? One employee who was leaving his job for another said, “It’s not about the money. It’s just that no matter what I do – how long I work or what I accomplish – I never hear anything positive. If I make a mistake, I hear about it immediately, but if I do my job well, there is silence.” I believe that thousands of employees can identify with this statement. That is why Dr. Paul White and I teamed up to write a book which addresses this issue. The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. We believe it will help managers and supervisors be more effective in their efforts to express appreciation.

Q+A: Mistakes of our Fathers

Q: Gary, is it really possible to have a strong marriage even though we come from broken homes?

Gary: You know, one of the realities of our culture is that thousands of people come from broken homes. Can we have a good marriage if we did not see one growing up? I believe we can. WE can learn from negative experiences and negative models as well as from good ones. So examine what happened in you parent’s relationship and ask yourself, “what can I do to avoid that, what can we do to avoid that? Yes, I think you can certainly have a wholesome marriage even though you came up in a family that didn’t experience that.

Q+A: Dissipated Feelings

Q: Gary, I feel like my fiancé has lost interest in me. How can I get her to be interested once again?

Gary: Well if I had a quick answer to that, I would make a million dollars. How many times in a dating relationship does a partner fall out of love before the other falls out of love? It’s a very common occurrence. It would be nice if you could read the five love languages together and particularly the chapter when I talk about being in love. Perhaps she would come to discover that these feelings dissipate for everyone. It doesn’t mean the relationship should stop, but it does mean we need to learn each other’s love languages so we can then assess the relationship.

Why the Disconnect?

One recent research project found that while 51% of business managers felt they expressed adequate appreciation for good performance; only 17 percent of the employees felt appreciated. Why this disconnect in workplace relationships? I believe because we make the mistake of thinking that what makes me feel appreciated will make others feel appreciated. This is a false assumption. Just as we have different love languages in family relationships, we also have different ‘appreciation languages’ in the work place. Dr. Paul White and I wrote a book entitled: The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. We believe that learning to speak a person’s primary appreciation language will yield amazing results in the workplace.

The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

Understanding the 5 love languages has helped many couples restore emotional intimacy. Over 11 million copies have been sold and it has been translated into 50 languages around the world. Now, we are taking the love languages to work, but we are calling them languages of appreciation. It is the emotional need to feel that those with whom and for whom I work appreciate me. If I feel appreciated, I will give my best to the job. If not, then I may only do what is required. We hear much in business circles about employee engagement. We want employees to be committed to the company and give their best. If you are a supervisor, manager, or employee: The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace will help you effectively communicate appreciation.

Appreciation in the Workplace

If you are employed, I have a question for you. One a scale of 0 – 10 how appreciated do you feel by your immediate supervisor? How appreciated do you feel by your co-workers? Our research found that 70% of those who work feel under-appreciated. 64% of those who leave a job for another say they did so primarily because they did not feel appreciated. Dr. Paul White and I wrote a book entitled: The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. We believe that one person (you) can change the emotional climate in your workplace. The key is learning how to express appreciation in a language that the other person understands.

Learn more at: appreciation-at-work.com