You are separated, but you really don’t want a divorce. You want to follow the Biblical ideal of seeking reconciliation. How do you go about it. First, you must not allow your emotions to control you. I didn’t say that you should not have emotions. Hurt, anger, disappointment, and pain are often the emotions of separation. Or, you may feel relieved, free, happy they are gone. Whatever your emotions, you must not allow them to control your behavior. If you do, you may murder your spouse. The Christian is called upon to seek reconciliation. This means we must take constructive action. Such action may mean that I must go against my feelings. Prayer is the best place to begin. “Lord, you know my feelings, but I want to be controlled by your spirit, not my feelings. Show me what action I should take and give me the power to do it.” Such a prayer is the first step in the right direction.
You may not have positive feelings toward your spouse, but you are choosing to give them unconditional love every week by doing something for them that you know they want you to do. There is a good chance that within six months, you will hear your spouse say “This is great. I can’t believe the way you are treating me. I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. It feels so good.” Whenever you get this kind of feedback, you know that they are experiencing your unconditional love. You are now in a position to make a request of them. Something you would like them to do for you. Make it small at first. No major requests. If they do it, you will feel a warm emotion inside. If not, you will feel disappointed. Don’t let this keep you from loving them. Never make more than one request per week. When they start responding to your requests your warm emotions build. You are experiencing the emotional warmth of feeling loved. Unconditional love has led to a rebirth of emotional love. Unconditional love is God’s way of rebuilding a marriage.