Do You Need An Evacuation Plan?

If you are living with a verbally abusive spouse, you need an evacuation plan and you need to share the plan with your spouse. Try this: “I want to share with you a decision I have made. As you know, I have talked with you in the past about how deeply I am hurt when you lash out at me with critical remarks. It takes me days and sometimes weeks to get over the pain. I have decided that the next time you lose your temper, I will take some time away from you in order to recover. I think my healing will be faster if we are apart. I will not be abandoning you, but I will be taking a step to correct what has become a very destructive pattern in our relationship. I can’t survive the verbal attacks indefinitely. I don’t believe that is the kind of person you want to be. I’m sharing this with you because I believe in you and want to see you become the person you want to be.” He may get mad, or start crying. She simply follows the plan the next time he explodes. She is clearly communicating: Things are not going to continue the way they are.

I’m Separated. Now What?

Written by Gary Chapman

You are separated, but you really don’t want a divorce. You want to follow the Biblical ideal of seeking reconciliation. How do you go about it. First, you must not allow your emotions to control you. I didn’t say that you should not have emotions. Hurt, anger, disappointment, and pain are often the emotions of..... Read More

God’s Way Of Rebuilding a Marriage

Written by Gary Chapman

You may not have positive feelings toward your spouse, but you are choosing to give them unconditional love every week by doing something for them that you know they want you to do. There is a good chance that within six months, you will hear your spouse say “This is great. I can’t believe the..... Read More

What Can I Do To Make Your Life Better?

Written by Gary Chapman

“I’ll treat her better when she treats me better.” “I’ll treat him better when he treats me better.” Such an attitude misses out on the power of unconditional love. Unconditional love is the choice to love your spouse no matter how they treat you. Let me give you a suggestion: Go to your spouse and..... Read More

Who Will Take The Lead?

Written by Gary Chapman

All of us would like to think that someone loves us unconditionally. The child longs for this kind of love from his parents, but husbands and wives also desire unconditional love from each other. The wedding vow was to love “in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, so long as we both..... Read More

Using The 5 Love Languages in Education

Written by Gary Chapman

So, your spouse has failed you. But now, they have confessed their wrong and are seeking to change their behavior. What are you to do? In the Scriptures, forgiveness is always the Christian response to confession and repentance. Remember, forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision to lift the penalty and declare the..... Read More

Dealing Effectively with Failures

Written by Gary Chapman

You don’t have to be perfect to have a good marriage. But, you do need to deal effectively with your failures. Otherwise, they sit as barriers to a growing marriage. How do you get rid of past failures? First, you identify them – write them down. Second, you confess them as wrong – to God..... Read More

Would You Like to Put the Past Behind You and Start Over?

Written by Gary Chapman

I’m talking about in your marriage. Many couples have so much pain from past failures that they have a hard time moving ahead. Time alone, will not heal hurts. Healing comes when we are willing to confess our failures and change our behavior. Some of us would like to leave out the confession part and..... Read More

Most of Us Will Admit That We Are Not Perfect

Written by Gary Chapman

From time to time we say and do things that are not loving, kind, or helpful. In a marriage, these failures build into walls of separation. If you would like to remove past failures, you must first identify them. Get pen and paper and then, ask God to bring to your mind, the ways you..... Read More

The Biblical Picture of Marriage

Written by Gary Chapman

The biblical picture of marriage is the blending of two lives into a new unit which will both satisfy the individuals involved, and serve the purposes of God. Our hearts cry out for intimacy. We were made to share life with another. God created marriage to be the most intimate of all human relationships. We..... Read More

God’s Purpose For Marriage

Written by Gary Chapman

What is the purpose of marriage? Sex? Companionship? Love? To provide a home for children? Social acceptance? Economic advantage? Security? In the Bible, God looked at Adam and said: “It is not good for man to be alone”. The word means ‘cut off, isolated’. God’s answer? “I will make him a helper suitable for him.”..... Read More