Q&A: How To Get My Spouse To Speak Physical Touch

Q: “My love language is Physical Touch, but don’t want to burden my wife with it because she does so much already and I don’t want to make it a task. I’d really like this to be freely given instead of a check list thing?”

Gary Chapman: The approach I would suggest is to first discover her love language and begin to speak it on a regular basis. This will help her to her confidently feel loved by you. After some time of this say something like, “You know how when I do this, it makes you feel loved? Well, that’s how I feel when you you hold my hand in the car, or you place your hand on my shoulder when you pour my coffee. I just want you to know how important physical touch is to me and how loved it makes me feel.” Now in her mind you are not equating it with sex; you’re equating it with physical touch. And because you are meeting her need for love, there is a good chance she will begin to meet your need for love as well.