Q&A: Family Before Spouse?

Q: “I’m wondering about the concept of “leaving and cleaving. I’m engaged and members of my family are saying that family comes before my husband. What is your take on this?”

Gary Chapman: The scriptures are very clear that when we get married we are to leave our parents and cleave to our spouse. That doesn’t mean we desert our parents. We must certainly honor them after we get married, but our main allegiance is to our husband or to our wife. Failure to reconcile with this and to clarify this before you get married will cause problems after you get married. If you and your fiancé don’t agree on this, it would be good for you both to sit down with a counselor or pastor to help clarify this Biblical teaching of leaving and cleaving. If you don’t, it will likely raise it’s head again after you get married. Far better to deal it it and clarify it before you tie the knot, then to try to deal with the consequences afterwards.