Q&A: Getting Your Spouse To Speak Your Love Language

QAfter 23 years of marriage, my wife just does not seem to love me. She knows my love language, but seems to resist speaking it. What do I do?

A: The common thing is for you to badger her about that by saying, “You’re not speaking my love language. Why don’t you speak my love language…” That won’t get you anywhere, but rather is condemnation and she’s going to withdraw from you further. Love stimulates love. The Bible says that we love God because God first loved us. The same principle is true in a marriage. I would suggest that you speak her love language and speak it regularly. I’d say set yourself a goal of at least twice per week, which is a minimum, to speak her love language. Then after you’ve done that for three months, you can say to her, “Honey, would it be possible for you to…” and you request of her something that would be speaking your love lanauge. And because she’s feeling your love, she’s very likely to reciprocate and love you in your love language.