“I’m sorry but if you had not provoked me, I would not have lost my temper.” That is not an apology. It is blaming your spouse for your poor behavior. Sincere regret needs to stand alone. It should not be followed with “But…” One husband said, “Her apologies always come across as attacks on me. She says she’s sorry but then she blames me. To me that’s not an apology.”
How about you? When you say, “I’m sorry,” do you use the word ‘but”? If so, then you’re not apologizing. You are blaming. You are creating resentment inside your spouse. They have a hard time forgiving you because in their mind you are not apologizing. In the future, try eliminating the ‘buts’.