When you are angry with your spouse, it’s not enough to get rid of your anger. You must find a resolution to the situation that stimulated the anger. All of us sometimes say and do things that are not loving. These failures stimulate hurt and anger. Anger doesn’t simply melt away with time and hurt does not evaporate. They exist to motivate us to seek understanding and resolution.
In the back of my book Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way, I have a little card that can be torn out and posted on the refrigerator. It reads, “I’m feeling angry right now. But don’t worry, I’m not going to attack you. But I do need your help. Is this a good time to talk.” So, when you’re angry you take the card and read it to your spouse. Now you are on the road to resolution.