Q&A: Why do spouses have different love languages?

Question: Why is it that husbands and wives seldom have the same love language? Wouldn’t it be easier if we did?

Answer: Let me answer the second question first: Yes, it would be easier if couples both had the same language. However, I’ve noted that when this is the case, they usually have preferred dialects of that language. For example, if Quality Time is their language, one may prefer taking walks while the other prefers long conversations over dinner. So, it still requires the willingness to speak their dialect.

So, why is it that couples seldom have the same love language? I think it is the old idea that opposites attract. The acts of service person is attracted to the person who expresses words of appreciation for all the things they do for them. Another factor is that when we are ‘in love’ we typically speak all the languages of love that we are capable of speaking. So we don’t know that some of those languages will fade when we get back to being normal. That’s when we discover that we do indeed speak different languages.