Question: My fiancé and I have been fighting almost daily about all sorts of things. The amount of arguing is beginning to worry me. Is this going to be a problem in our marriage?
Answer: Yes, if you don’t solve the issue now. Engagement should be a time to discover differences, and find solutions. All couples have conflicts, but arguing with raised voices and harsh words is not the way to solve conflicts. In my book, Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married, I have a chapter entitled “I wish I’d known how to solve conflict without arguing.” I believe it is essential to a healthy marriage.
The key is learning to listen with empathy. Most of us have no training in how to listen. We listen only long enough to re-load our guns and shoot back with our ideas. Two people shooting each other with explosive words is a battlefield, not a marriage. Go for pre-marital counseling and put this issue on the table. Learn how to listen, how to respect each others’ ideas and how to find a meeting place. Don’t get married until you learn these skills.