Q&A: How do we handle the scars of pre-marital sex in our marriage?

Q: My wife and I got married recently. I had premarital sex with another woman before I met my wife. We are trying to get rid of the memories. It is very difficult. Do you have any advice?

A: You are identifying one of the major scars of pre-marital sex. Sexual intercourse is not simply the joining of two bodies. It is a deep emotional and spiritual experience. It was designed to bond a man and woman together for a lifetime. It is very difficult to erase the memories because the two of you ‘bonded’. Your memories and your wife’s imagination create an emotional barrier.

My suggestions include: confessing your sin to God and your wife. (I think you have already done this.) Then picture the blood of Christ, flowing over your sin and hiding it from your sight. It happened, but it is now covered by His blood. That is the way God sees your past, and that is the way he wants you to see it. The blood of Christ is the most effective medication for healing the memories.