You Can’t Create a Perfect Marriage.

You can’t create a perfect marriage, but you can have a better marriage. And, it all begins with you. Most of us think that if our spouse would change we could have a better marriage. But that’s the wrong place to start.

When I counsel couples, I often give them paper and pencil and ask them to write for me the things they dislike about their spouse. You should see the lists. Some have to request additional paper. A bit later, I ask them to list for me what they feel to be their own weaknesses. Usually, they can think of one right away, but I have seen them think and think trying to come up with number two. The message is clear. “I’m not perfect, but the real problem is with my spouse.”

Jesus had a different idea: “First, get the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see more clearly how to get the speck out of eye of your spouse.” Begin by identifying your own failures and consider praying this prayer: “Lord, where am I failing in my marriage.”. Confess your discoveries to God and then to your spouse. You now have a clear conscience and you are free to change your own behavior and become a loving spouse.