Are You Getting the Point?

Communication is not easy until you have a disagreement. So, how do we process conflicts without arguing? As I was writing my book The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, one of the great discoveries I made was the awesome power of listening. Most of us are far better at “making our point” than in “getting the point” of the other person. Listening has to do with trying to look at the world through the other person’s eyes. It’s not difficult if you try.

Once you can truthfully say, “I think I understand what you are saying, and it makes sense.” Then you can say, “Let me tell you how I’m thinking, and if it makes sense to you.” Two people who listen long enough to affirm each other can then find a win-win solution.

Arguments reveal the heart. Almost all arguments grow out of unmet emotional needs. One wife said, “Little things like getting the old newspapers out of the garage for recycling is not a big deal to him, but it is important to me because I hate clutter. It’s kind of a visual thing.” What is she saying? One of her emotional needs is to have order in the house. Clutter is emotionally upsetting to her.

The wise husband and wife will look for the emotional need behind the argument. Why is my spouse so upset over what seems trivial to me? The answer to that question will help  you understand your spouse. Meeting emotional needs for each other is one way to create a positive climate for communication.

Practically Speaking: Week of April 22

Written by Gary Chapman

Week of April 22, 2019 We could all use a little creativity when it comes to speaking love and appreciation to others. Here are some suggestions that will help get you started: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: Before you sit down to eat, place a label or sign on each chair describing who is to sit there—“Best..... Read More

Practically Speaking: Week of April 15

Written by Gary Chapman

Week of April 15, 2019 We could all use a little creativity when it comes to speaking love and appreciation to others. Here are some suggestions that will help get you started: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION If your friend enjoys making art (songwriting, painting, creative writing, etc.), take time to sincerely compliment his or her workmanship...... Read More

Practically Speaking: Week of April 8, 2019

Written by Gary Chapman

Week of April 8, 2019 We could all use a little creativity when it comes to speaking love and appreciation to others. Here are some suggestions that will help get you started: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION Next time you overhear someone saying something nice about a friend, relative, spouse, or coworker, pass it along. Send a..... Read More

Practically Speaking: Week of April 1, 2019

Written by Gary Chapman

Week of April 1, 2019 We could all use a little creativity when it comes to speaking love and appreciation to others. Here are some suggestions that will help get you started: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION Does someone you care about need some encouragement? If so, consider secretly reaching out to as many of their friends,..... Read More

I’m Separated. Now What?

Written by Gary Chapman

You are separated, but you really don’t want a divorce. You want to follow the Biblical ideal of seeking reconciliation. How do you go about it. First, you must not allow your emotions to control you. I didn’t say that you should not have emotions. Hurt, anger, disappointment, and pain are often the emotions of..... Read More

God’s Way Of Rebuilding a Marriage

Written by Gary Chapman

You may not have positive feelings toward your spouse, but you are choosing to give them unconditional love every week by doing something for them that you know they want you to do. There is a good chance that within six months, you will hear your spouse say “This is great. I can’t believe the..... Read More

What Can I Do To Make Your Life Better?

Written by Gary Chapman

“I’ll treat her better when she treats me better.” “I’ll treat him better when he treats me better.” Such an attitude misses out on the power of unconditional love. Unconditional love is the choice to love your spouse no matter how they treat you. Let me give you a suggestion: Go to your spouse and..... Read More

Who Will Take The Lead?

Written by Gary Chapman

All of us would like to think that someone loves us unconditionally. The child longs for this kind of love from his parents, but husbands and wives also desire unconditional love from each other. The wedding vow was to love “in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, so long as we both..... Read More

Using The 5 Love Languages in Education

Written by Gary Chapman

So, your spouse has failed you. But now, they have confessed their wrong and are seeking to change their behavior. What are you to do? In the Scriptures, forgiveness is always the Christian response to confession and repentance. Remember, forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision to lift the penalty and declare the..... Read More

Dealing Effectively with Failures

Written by Gary Chapman

You don’t have to be perfect to have a good marriage. But, you do need to deal effectively with your failures. Otherwise, they sit as barriers to a growing marriage. How do you get rid of past failures? First, you identify them – write them down. Second, you confess them as wrong – to God..... Read More