Love is a Choice


The Five Love Languages has helped hundreds of thousands of couples rediscover warm emotional feelings for each other. Now, this did not happen because someone decided, I’m going to have warm feelings toward my spouse again. It began when one person decided; I’m going to express love to my spouse in spite of the fact that I don’t have warm feelings toward her or him. Emotional love can be rediscovered. The key is learning the love language of your spouse and choosing to speak it regularly. Warm feelings are the results of loving actions. Love is a choice.

How can we express love to our spouses when we are full of hurt, anger, and resentment over past failures? Remember the words of Jesus: Love your enemies. “Bless those who curse you.” Why would Jesus say this? Because love is the most powerful weapon to change the heart of the other person. Love doesn’t erase the past, but it makes the future different.
If I know my wife’s primary love language and choose to speak it, her deepest emotional need will be met and she will feel secure in my love. If she does the same for me, my emotional needs are met and both of us live with a full “love tank.”
How do you create this kind of growing marriage? It all begins with the choice to love. I recognize that as a husband, God has given me the responsibility of meeting my wife’s need for love. I choose to accept that responsibility and learn how to speak her primary love language. What happens? My wife’s attitude and feelings toward me become positive. Now she reciprocates and my need for love is also met. Love is a choice.

What if speaking your spouse’s love language doesn’t come natural for you? The answer is simple: “You learn to speak it!” My wife’s love language is “acts of service”. One of the things I do for her regularly as an act of love is to vacuum the floors. Do you think this comes naturally for me? You couldn’t pay me enough to vacuum the house. There is only one reason I do it: LOVE. You see, when it doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love.
Your spouse has a primary love language, and if you learn to speak it, you will see a radical change in your spouse. The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch and gifts.
Learn your spouse’s primary love language and you will have the key to unlocking warm feelings. You don’t have to have warm emotions toward your spouse to speak their language. Love is a choice.

Excerpt taken from The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. The newly recovered and updated book, set to come out in 2010, visit to sign up for our weekly emails and stay in the loop about new Gary Chapman updates!