Children ages 9-12

Tips for Parents


By the time a child is 9 years old, he or she is better able to identify and express his or her feelings about love than when he or she was younger. Parents still have to keep in mind that children this age have a limited attention for and limited interest in such things as helping you determine their love language. The following online "game" should help you in your research.

Tell your child you would like help solving "The Love Language Mystery Game." Explain that you need him or her to look at a list of "clues" and that these clues are comments that parents sometimes make to their children. Your child will see a set of 20 clue boxes, each with two comments. He or she must pick one of the two comments in each clue box based on which comment they like better. Explain that at the end of all the clues, you and your child will see their results and solve the mystery. If your child asks what the "mystery" is or what it is about, you can simply explain that it's a game in which parents are trying to learn what makes kids happy or what they like to hear their parents say.

To give this a game-like effect, you should secretly write on a piece of paper what you think your child's love language is (words, touch, time, service, gifts). Do not let your child see your guess but tell him or her that you have written down your guess and will find out at the end of the game if you guessed right. After your child has received their results at the end of the "game," reveal your guess and tell your child if you guessed correctly.

This activity will have been little more than a game to your child to see if he or she got the same answer to the "mystery" that you got. He or she will have little clue that you're using this information to further confirm or clarify your guess about his or her love language. Because children expect games to end in a "reward," tell your child at the end of the "mystery solving" that, whether or not you guys ended up with the same answer, you'll celebrate by doing something fun together (i.e., eating a favorite snack, watching a movie, playing a game of your child's choosing, etc.).

Some children will help "solve the mystery" and be satisfied not asking any questions. If your child happens to inquire about this so-called mystery you wanted help with, give a brief explanation of the love languages and tell your child that you just want to make sure he or she recognizes and receives your love. Depending on your child's maturity level, he or she may be able to share his or her thoughts on the matter and further clarify his or her love language.

You are now ready to introduce your child to "The Love Language Mystery Game." After you click the button below, you'll see a brief set of instructions that explain to your child how to take and score the profile. Because of your child's age and potential questions he or she may have, be prepared to read the instructions to him or her and answer any questions he or she may have. Have fun, and enjoy unlocking the mystery of your child's love language!

Recommended Resources


The 5 Love Languages of Children

More than 1 MILLION sold!

You know you love your child. But how can you make sure your child knows it?

The #1 New York Times bestselling The 5 Love Languages has helped millions of couples learn the secret to building a love that lasts. Now discover how to speak your child’s love language in a way that he or she understands. Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell help you:

  • Discover your child’s love language
  • Assist your child in successful learning
  • Use the love languages to correct and discipline more effectively
  • Build a foundation of unconditional love for your child

Plus: Find dozens of tips for practical ways to speak your child’s love language.

Discover your child’s primary language—then speak it—and you will be well on your way to a stronger relationship with your flourishing child.

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A Perfect Pet for Peyton

This wonderfully imaginative children’s hardcover book by bestselling authors Gary Chapman and Rick Osborne, featuring four-color illustrations (with hidden details!) by Wilson Williams, Jr., will help children learn the importance of love. Based on Gary’s highly successful The 5 Love Languages®, A Perfect Pet for Peyton tells an entertaining and playful story of five children who each, with the help of Mr. Chapman and the unique pets at his special emporium, discover their own personal love language. Children and parents alike will experience firsthand the power of the love languages as they cuddle up and spend precious time together reading this book over and over again.

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