Question: My girlfriend and I have been dating for four years. We think we are ready for sex. My love language is physical touch. Do you think sex would help our relationship? We are both willing, just not sure if it is right for us.

Answer: If you will listen to my advice, I can save you a lot of pain, and give you a better foundation for a successful marriage. I know that my advice is not very popular in today’s culture, but it is backed with 10 years of research. Sex before marriage does not enhance a relationship. It often stimulates guilt, and insecurity.

If one of you eventually breaks off the relationship, it will create extreme emotional pain in the other.  I’ve counseled scores of such individuals over the past few years.  If you eventually decide to get married, your chances of a divorce are increased significantly. To get the full scoop, read the book; The Ring Makes All The Difference: The Hidden Consequences of Co-habitation, by Glenn Stanton. It’s worth the read.

You may only have a few singles in your church, but don’t ignore them. If the church gives them the books and encourages them to start a single’s study group, I can almost guarantee, that one of the singles will take the lead and get things moving. When the singles see that you care, they will respond. It may be the beginning of a whole new ministry in your church.

I believe that understanding the love languages will help singles build positive supportive relationships: at work, with the family, and in their dating relationships. Learning to receive and give love in all five languages greatly enhances your potential for success. Learning how to identify someone’s primary love language is the key to a whole new level of friendship.

Many single adults have felt unloved by one or both parents. In my book The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition, one of the ideas I discuss is how understanding the five love languages can help singles establish or re-establish a more positive relationship with parents. Love holds the greatest potential for healing the past and creating a better future.

My book The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition, is designed to help you do that. It will help you understand why you felt loved or did not feel loved by your parents. It will teach you how to love others in spite of your childhood. The happiest singles I know are those who have learned how to love others. Love begets love.

If you would like to start a ‘singles ministry’ in your church, may I suggest a resource? The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition is designed to help singles understand their relationship with parents, siblings, co-workers, and dating partners. Applying the love languages to all of these relationships makes the single a vehicle of God’s love.

It is not the euphoric state, but it is a deep sense of genuine love. Now, we are better able to access the relationship. Are we really suited for each other? Do we hold enough in common to build a life-long marriage? Now we can base our decision on reality and not simply break up because we lost the euphoric feelings.

1)  Never married, 18 years of age and older
2)  Divorced
3)  Separated, but not divorced
4)  Widowed
5)  Single Parents, who also may fit in one of the other categories

I share this with you because I believe the church has largely overlooked single adults.

I felt so strongly about this that I wrote a book that was published by Moody Publishers entitled The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition. So many singles have told me over the past 10 years. “I know that you wrote your original book on love languages for married couples, but I read it and it greatly helped me. Please write a book for us.” So, I did.

The Scriptures say that when we get married, the husband and wife become ‘one’.  The word speaks of deep intimacy.  If we’re going to have that kind of marriage, then we need a strong foundation on which to build.  That foundation consists of the things you hold in common. Here are a few questions to consider before you marry:

1. Spiritual Unity: Are you marching to the beat of the same drummer?  If not, in marriage you will be ‘out of step’ with your spouse spiritually.
2. Intellectual Compatibility: Can you carry on conversations about intellectual matters without arguing?
3. Values: Do you value the same things?
4. Socially Compatible: Are you on the same page socially?

Check the foundation before you marry.

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The Five Love Languages Singles Edition has proven itself a must-read for single adults in all walks of life. This special edition helps readers successfully navigate relationships in the workplace, friendships, and the dating environment. The Five Love Languages of Children explores how speaking the right love language affects and transforms a child’s attitude, behavior, and development.

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