Separation Does Not Necessarily Lead to Divorce
It’s my conviction that separation does not necessarily lead to divorce.
Separation forces us to admit that we have serious problems. When we examine divorce, we realize that divorce doesn’t solve anything. In fact, it creates more problems. The best of our options is to seek reconciliation.
The Christian who makes this choice has all the help of God. God instituted marriage. He knows that marriage is not easy, but He also knows that He wants to use the pains of marriage to build us into more Christ-like people. When this happens, then the potential for a renewed marriage becomes real. Are you asking God to use your present pain to make you more like Christ? As you grow in your own intimacy with Him, you will have His wisdom in what you should do in relating to your spouse. Your actions cannot control your spouse, but your actions will influence your spouse, for better or for worse.
Does Separation Equal Divorce?
I know that when couples separate, they’re not likely to be thinking “growth”. Murder maybe, divorce—most likely. I really believe that separation can be a time of tremendous growth. Look, the two of you made some unwise choices that brought you to the point of separation. Now, with the help of God, the two of you can make some wise choices that will lead to reconciliation.
But my spouse is not willing to change! Okay, then are you willing to change? Are you willing to let someone help you examine your marriage to see what went wrong? You can’t make changes until you know what changes need to be made. Are you willing to admit that you may be just a small part of the problem? And your spouse may not always be the mean evil person they are today. God has changed some pretty rough characters in the past. Your spouse is not beyond the hand of God!
Q&A: Contemplating separation
Question: After 15 years of marriage, we are contemplating separation. We are both Christians but have had many battles, one being depression. I feel I’m done. Is there hope?
Answer: I understand how you might feel like giving up. Depression that extends over a period of time can be difficult to deal with for both of you. However, there is help for those who are depressed. The most successful treatment involves both counseling and medication. I know that some Christians want to stay away from medication, but the reality is that often there is a chemical basis for the depression. Successful treatment then requires medication.
I also know that you may have tried medication and it has not helped, but don’t give up. Different medications help different people. Talk with your doctor and try another medication. However, don’t omit the counseling. Many times the depression is fed by relational issues. This is where a counselor can be very helpful.
