Category: Parenting

Q&A: My teen daughter is becoming more reclusive. How can I make her feel loved?

The short answer is to make sure you know her love language and give her heavy doses of her primary love language. But let me remind you that teenagers often withdraw from their parents socially, emotionally and intellectually. It’s a part of growing up and moving toward independence. So some of that is going to have to be accepted. However, it is important that your daughter feel loved because if she does not feel loved by mom and dad, she will go looking for love in the wrong places.

Learn her love love language, give her heavy doses, sprinkle in the other 4 love language, and make sure she’s secure in your love. You’ll be giving her the greatest gift you can give a teenager.

Q&A: What are the biggest mistakes new couples make?

Q: My son will be getting married soon. What are the biggest mistakes new couples make and how can I advise my son to avoid them?

A: I think the biggest mistake is allowing our own ideas to be the idea. So when we get into a difference of opinion, we assume our side is right and we try to convince the other person, “You’ve got to see it my way or you’re not being intelligent.” Teaching them how to resolve conflicts without arguing, which requires listening empathetically, trying to understand the other person’s position, and then giving their position. Understanding leads us to finding resolutions. I think communicating that is probably the best thing you could do for a young couple getting married.


 

Q&A: My daughter is going to be old enough to date soon. What advice could I give her?

Group datesgoing out with friends where there are several guys and girls together who don’t pair offcan be healthy. But indivuidal dating ought to be reserved for 16 and aolder. Once they get there, you tell them, “Be careful what you do with each other. Don’t let a guy on the first day kiss and hug you, he’s using you when that happens. If that does happen, that’s the last date you have with him.” So, have some guidelines and typically if they feel loved and supported by you, they’ll listen to what you have to say.

Q&A: Do you have suggestions on teaching the love languages to children?

A: Recently we published a book for children called A Perfect Pet for Peyton. It’s for children 4-9 years of age and a fabulous story with great art work and lots of color. As the child reads the book, they come to the end and not only discover the five love languages but also their love language. So that’s a tool parents can use. Children pick up on this concept quite easy–They love a hug from mother if physical touch is their language; it’s really important to them. I encourage parents to not only learn each others’ love language but also to learn your child’s love language and teach your children the concept.

Q&A: My high school daughter wants a tattoo. Do you have any advice?

Q: My high school daughter had come to me repeatedly asking to get a tattoo. Several of her friends have them. Do you have an opinion on this?

A: I think you have to share with your child why you don’t think this is a good idea. Obviously, one reason is it’s a life long thing and very hard to retract. I think I would try to put this off as long as I could—maybe tell her she can get a tattoo when she’s 21 when she’s on her own and can pay for it herself. So, you can push it out into the future until she gets a little more mature and decides for herself that maybe getting a tattoo isn’t a good idea.

Speak All Five Love Languages to Your Child

Some parents have asked me, “Do we only need to speak the child’s primary love language or do we need to speak all five?”

My answer is that the children who fare best in life are the children who learn to give and receive love in all five love languages.  First, make sure you are speaking the child’s primary love language regularly. Then speak the other four.

What are the five love languages?: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch. Most of us did not grow up in homes where we learned all five languages of love. Our parents were sincere but may not have spoken our love language at all. As adults, we have the opportunity to learn how to give and receive love in all five languages. This will greatly enhance our parenting.

When Your Children Get Married

Do you have children who are getting married? The scriptures say that they are to ‘leave’ you and ‘cleave’ to each other. What are the implications of that for you? You must make it easy for them to leave. Don’t demand that they call you daily and keep you informed. Give them time and space to start their own lives.

If you want to give advice, wait until they ask for it? Or, at least, ask if they would like your opinion. If you want to give them money, ask if it would be helpful. And don’t give your money in such a way that they become dependent upon you. Let them know that you love them and are willing to help but want only what is best for them. You make it easy for them to honor you when you foster their independence.

Q&A: I've observed that Christian parents aren't reinforcing the truth that women ought to dress modestly. Do you have an opinion?

Well I must confess that I sometimes have the same feeling when I simply walk around in public places and see young ladies or teenagers dressed in ways that are very provocative. I want to take this question as an opportunity to say to parents: Please understand the difference between males and females. Men are sexually attracted by sight and the way a woman dresses draws the attention of a man toward her or he simply sees her and respects her as a woman. How she dresses makes a huge difference in how he responds. So I hope parents will hear what we’re saying and will take this seriously and have honest conversations with their young daughters about this.

 

Q&A: I’ve observed that Christian parents aren’t reinforcing the truth that women ought to dress modestly. Do you have an opinion?

Well I must confess that I sometimes have the same feeling when I simply walk around in public places and see young ladies or teenagers dressed in ways that are very provocative. I want to take this question as an opportunity to say to parents: Please understand the difference between males and females. Men are sexually attracted by sight and the way a woman dresses draws the attention of a man toward her or he simply sees her and respects her as a woman. How she dresses makes a huge difference in how he responds. So I hope parents will hear what we’re saying and will take this seriously and have honest conversations with their young daughters about this.

 

Q&A: How do I speak my child's love language of gifts?

Question: My daughter’s primary Love Language is gifts and I’m concerned that in this materialistic world, she confuses what love really is. How can I teach her?

Answer: I think it’s a genuine and legitimate concern. What I would suggest is this: If a child’s love language is gifts, the gifts don’t have to be expensive and they certainly don’t have to be everything a child is asking for. That would be a serious mistake. You can give them little things: a stone you pick up in a parking lot, a flower from the garden, just one bite of candy. Little things will mean a lot to this child. In terms of gifts, you give them something you think will be helpful for them. Don’t give them everything they ask or that will teach them materialism. But give them those things that will be beneficial for them.

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