Category: Military

Q&A: Military Couple How to Speak Love over Distance

Q: I am recently engaged and we are in the military stationed on opposite sides of the country. With physical touch and quality time being our LL’s, how can we survive?”

Gary: You would think that physical touch is impossible half a world away. But, I remember one lady who said, “I put my hand on a sheet of paper. I traced my hand and I mailed it to him with a note that said, ‘Put your hand on my hand, I want to hold your hand.'” He told me later, “Gary, every time I put my hand on that paper, I felt her.” It’s not literal touch but it’s emotional touch. I suggest you get the book: The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. It will give you a lot of practical ideas on how to speak the love languages long distance.

Q&A: Long Distance Love Languages

Q: How can our distance relationship last if we both are not touched by Words of Affirmation?

Gary: If you scored low on Words of Affirmation, that is, Words of Affirmation are not very important to either one of you, then what are your love languages? The good news is that each of the 5 love languages can be spoken long distance. In a recent edition of The 5 Love Languages we address this for those in the military. In it we talk about speaking the love languages when your partner is deployed. If you are in a distance relationship, it may be helpful to you even though you aren’t in the military.

Q&A: Trusting God for Your Military Spouse’s Safety

Q: As a military spouse I struggle with fear and worry about my husband who is on active duty. How can I find peace?

Gary Chapman: Spiritual help is probably the greatest help in this situation. I think the answer lies in the biblical concept of praying about everything, which will help you to not worry about things. Certainly, you should be concerned about your spouse but let that concern be a catalyst to pray for God’s hand upon them. Pray also for God to keep your heart and mind calm as you entrust your life and your spouse to him. This is one area I touch on in my newest release, The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. I think you’d find it helpful as you read the stories of other couples who deal with the same struggles that you’re dealing with.

Q&A: Marriage and Deployment

Q: I’m in the military and I’m about to be deployed. How can my wife and I prepare?

Gary Chapman: I think the first thing that you need to do is acknowledge that you’re going to have to work together to find a new way to relate to each other. This is where I think the five love languages can be very, very helpful to you. For example, if you know each other’s primary love language in those early days you are going to want to speak volumes of that language. If you and your spouse feel loved it’s much easier to negotiate other factors. While preparing for that, I think you would find a new book we’ve just released to be helpful. It’s called The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. It provides a lot of practical help on reintegration.

Q&A: Military Couples in the Church

Q: As a pastor, what can my congregation and I do to help military couples in our church?

Gary Chapman: I wish more pastors were asking that question because churches are often not aware of the needs military couples have. They face challenges that civilian couples do not, and as a result suffer a higher divorce rate. My suggestion would be to give the military couples in your church a time to talk to each other—such as a small group. Identify someone who’s a veteran, who has the ability to lead and let the setting and structure be conducive for conversation. A good book to use as a guide in such a framework would be The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. When military couples start talking to each other about the challenges they face and the practical solutions they read about in the book, they will feel encouraged that they’re not alone and hopeful for the future. It’d also be a great way for your congregation to say, “We care about you.”

Q&A: Long Distance Love Languages

Q: My wife and I are in the military. How can we speak the 5 love languages while we’re apart?

Gary Chapman: All of the love languages can be spoken long distance. I have just released a book with Jocelyn Green called The 5 Love Languages Military Edition in which we talk about how to speak the love languages long distance. For example, despite what most people may assume, Physical Touch can be spoken when you’re apart. You can say to them in an email or phone call, “If I were with you I would give you a big hug you would never forget.” Emotionally they’d feel your arms around them. You can learn to keep love alive while you’re deployed with the five love languages. I’m hoping this book is going to help thousands of military couples learn how to stay emotionally connected even while they’re deployed.

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