Q&A: What if I speak one love language and want to receive another?
Question: Is it possible to speak one love language but want to receive a different one?
Answer: Absolutely; About 75% of us speak what we want to receive, but about 25% speak one language predominantly but prefer a different language—probably because we learn to speak that language when we’re children. So it’s okay, you’re not abnormal. For 75% of us what we’re speaking is what we want but for the others, they’re speaking one language and desiring another.
The important thing is that you learn to speak your spouse’s primary language, or in your case your boyfriend’s language, and he learns how to speak your language. When you do that, you keep love alive—even when you come down off the high of the in-love experience.
Q&A: Am I still in love once the “tingles” are gone?
Question: I am in a dating relationship which has moved out of the “tingly” love stage. How do I know that I am still in love with this person as we transition into the love languages stage?
Answer: Actually, you are far more likely to make a wise decision about marriage if you have dated long enough for the “tingles” to subside. When we are in the euphoric state of love, we see everything through rose colored glasses. The person seems to be perfect in every way. When we come down off the emotional high we can see each other more realistically. Now you are ready to ask the questions:
What do we like about each other? What do we find irritating? How can we solve the irritations?
Learning to speak each others’ love language keeps emotional warmth in the relationship while you discuss these issues. You will not return to the euphoric state, but your love is now much more intentional. The ‘tingles’ are temporary. True love is open to discussion and negotiation. A successful marriage is based on ‘true love’, not on the ‘tingles’.
Keeping Your Relationship with God Alive
No other relationship is more important than our relationship with God. However, sometimes our relationship with God grows stale, or mundane. We are loving God, but we are doing it in the same old way, week after week and it has become ritual. We serve at the soup kitchen, or give our offering, without even thinking about God. It’s just what we do.
If you want to keep your love relationship with God alive, try speaking some new love languages. Instead of praying in the same familiar chair, stand up and pray or kneel or lay on the floor. Hold your offering in your hand and lift it to God as a symbol that this is an act of love. Then take it to church. God never intends that our relationship with Him become mundane.
A Love Relationship
Christianity is a love relationship with God. But what does that look like in daily life?
In my book: God Speaks Your Love Language, I use the five love languages as a model for understanding this love relationship. I am drawn to Christ when He speaks my love language. Then, I reciprocate by expressing my love to Him using my love language.
For example if my love language is receiving gifts, then I am drawn to Christ because He offers to give me forgiveness and eternal life. I am overwhelmed with His gift. Then I show my love to Him by giving gifts. My money is His money. I take great delight in supporting missionaries and giving food to feed the poor. Love is always a two way street.
How did you come to give your life to Christ?
Jesus said, “No man comes to the Father, unless the Spirit draws Him.” God’s method of drawing us is ‘love’. The amazing thing is that God individualizes His expressions of love. To put it another way, He speaks our love language. The man whose love language is physical touch, will say, “I felt God. My body was shaking. Tears were flowing down my face.”
Another man will say, “I came to Christ because I was overcome with the reality that Christ actually was willing to take my punishment and die.” His love language was ‘acts of service’. He saw Christ’s death on the cross as the supreme act of service.
We Love God by Loving Others
Jesus said, “As often as you do it unto one of the least of these my brothers, you do it unto me.” We love God by loving others. However, how we express love will depend on our love language. My love language is words of affirmation. Therefore, I find myself freely giving encouraging words to those I meet. My wife’s love language is acts of service. So, she is always doing things to help people.
I have a friend who is always giving gifts. And another, who loves to take people to lunch and spend time listening as they share their stories. And yet another, who is always giving people hugs and pats on the back. All of us are loving God by loving others. We differ only in the love language we speak.
Q&A: How do we keep our love tanks full while he is deployed?
Question: My husband and I have the same love languages: quality time and physical touch top the list for both of us. What are some things we can do to keep our love tanks full while he is deployed?
Answer: The good news is that all five love languages can be spoken long-distance. I know you are thinking how can we speak the language of physical touch when we are half a world away? Well, obviously you cannot literally touch each other. However if you send him an e-mail and say, “If I were with you I’d give you a hug and kiss you would never forget.” He will get it emotionally. You are loving him by expressing your intent to touch him.
What about quality time? If he writes you a letter—the old fashioned kind, with paper and pen—and in that letter he tells you something of what is going on in his world and in his mind; he tells you how much he loves you and misses you, then you will ‘get it’. You know that to write that letter took time and thought. You hold in your hand the paper that was in his hand. It’s not the same as talking over dinner, but it communicates love. Yes, you can love long-distance.
What is The Greatest Commandment of All?
Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” Why would you want to love God? The Apostle John said, “We love God because He first loved us.” Some time ago, I began a study of the various ways in which God expresses His love to us.
I discovered that God speaks all five love languages fluently: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. That study led to the publishing of my book: God Speaks Your Love Language. What makes one person feel loved does not necessarily make another person feel loved. God knows you and He chooses to speak your love language.
How do You Know that God Loves You?
Ask a dozen people that question, and you may get a dozen answers. In human relationships, we feel loved when the other person speaks our primary love language. If words of affirmation is my love language, then I feel loved when you verbally affirm me. The same principle is true in our relationship with God.
In my book, God Speaks Your Love Language, I give biblical, historical, and contemporary examples of how God draws people to Himself by speaking their primary love language. This book has tremendous implications for evangelism. We are God’s representatives. He often uses us to express His love. Learning to speak a person’s love language makes us more effective vehicles of God’s love.
Express True Love on Valentine’s Day
Today is Valentine’s Day. The name comes from two saints in the early church. One St. Valentine was a priest who lived in Rome during the 200’s. He was jailed and later beheaded for aiding persecuted Christians. The other St. Valentine was the bishop of Terni, about 60 miles from Rome. He was beheaded in 273AD for converting a Roman family to Christianity.
If you want to know what Valentine’s Day is all about, it is sharing the good news of Christ, in spite of opposition. It is caring enough to share that Christ is the way, the truth, and the life; that he offers eternal life to all who are willing to accept Him. So, as you give your valentine’s cards, also offer a prayer and seek to plant a seed in the heart of the ones you love.
Also, don’t forget the Love Language Challenge starts today. If you haven’t yet signed up, I encourage you to do so here.
