Category: Issues

The Verbal Abuser

Most people who verbally abuse their spouse are saying more about their own needs that they are about their spouses character.

The verbal abuser has a deep need for self-worth. They are unconsciously seeking to elevate themselves by putting down the spouse. Of course, this is not an acceptable way to build one’s self-esteem.

The spouse who wants to have a positive influence will affirm the need, but reject the behavior.

By saying something like: “I know that you must be terribly frustrated to speak to me in that manner. I wish I could hear you and help, but I am so pained by the words that I cannot listen. If you could write me a note telling me what you feel and how strongly you feel it, maybe I could be there for you and could be the spouse you need.” This statement acknowledges the inner struggles of the abuser, but refuses to accept the destructive behavior. Friend, this is a step in the right direction.

Q&A: How do you prevent post-Christmas depression?

Question: How do you keep from being depressed after the gifts are all distributed, the family is all gone and the Christmas tree stands empty in the corner?

Answer: Well, that’s where all of us are today, Right? I don’t mean we are all depressed, but the empty tree now stands in the corner. For some of you, the extended family will remain for a few days, but by Friday they will be gone. No question about it, there can be an emotional ‘let-down’ after Christmas. We have been so busy, doing so many things. We may be emotionally spent.

My suggestion is that you have a daily quiet time with God each morning this week. You might read the book of Philippians, one chapter each day. Ask God to speak to you through His word. After reading, talk to God about what you read. Ask questions, express thanks, make requests. A conversation with God each day can keep you from the after Christmas blahs.  After all, He came to give us abundant life.

Q&A: How do you prevent post-Christmas depression?

Question: How do you keep from being depressed after the gifts are all distributed, the family is all gone and the Christmas tree stands empty in the corner?

Answer: Well, that’s where all of us are today, Right? I don’t mean we are all depressed, but the empty tree now stands in the corner. For some of you, the extended family will remain for a few days, but by Friday they will be gone. No question about it, there can be an emotional ‘let-down’ after Christmas. We have been so busy, doing so many things. We may be emotionally spent.

My suggestion is that you have a daily quiet time with God each morning this week. You might read the book of Philippians, one chapter each day. Ask God to speak to you through His word. After reading, talk to God about what you read. Ask questions, express thanks, make requests. A conversation with God each day can keep you from the after Christmas blahs.  After all, He came to give us abundant life.

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