October 16, 2013
Q: I’ve been married to my best friend for 10 years. I’ve never had a wandering eye but I’m suddenly finding myself drawn to a new co-worker. Is my marriage in danger?
Jennifer Thomas (coauthor, When Sorry Isn’t Enough): You’ve asked an important question. We know that it takes 100 or more steps to begin an affair. Avoid taking the first steps and you’ll prevent a world of pain. Simply ask anyone who has lived through an affair and they will tell you it is unspeakably tragic and regrettable. Be on guard for these earliest signs of an affair:
- Noticing a magnetic pull towards someone who is not your spouse
- Daydreaming about them
- Spending extra time with them
- Sharing confidences with them
- Devaluing your own spouse in your mind if not also in action
If you notice these signs of a crush, take note. You are on the road to an emotional affair. First, do not mention your attraction to your co-worker. To do so would multiply your risk because he or she might also be feeling the spark. You must FLEE and seek support. Take steps today to re-focus on your spouse and make sure that you are speaking each other’s love languages. This is the only way to keep your love tank full. Read our Practically Speaking newsletter for useful tips to speak any love language while having fun!
October 15, 2013
At the heart of Christian marriage is the idea of unity. God said, “The two will become one flesh.” Intimacy is the opposite of ‘aloneness.’ God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Something deep within man cries out for the companionship of a woman, and the woman has a similar desire for intimacy with a man. Marriage is designed to satisfy that deep search for intimacy. But this intimacy is not simply the joining of two bodies in a sexual experience. It is the joining of two souls in the deepest possible way. Intellectually, emotionally, socially, spiritually and physically we join our lives together. This intimacy grows with each passing day, if we take time to talk and listen, pray together, and seek God’s guidance.
October 4, 2013
Q: Do stress and anxiety cause intimacy problems? I just don’t feel like the same person I was earlier in our marriage.
Gary Chapman: It is true that all of us have some level of stress. Anxiety, on the other hand, is a different matter. That’s the word we often use when we really mean worry. We are worrying when we are spinning our wheels and getting nowhere. This will affect intimacy in our marriage. It’s going to affect the whole of life because we are going to have a much more negative attitude toward life. All of us have a stress level and we need to learn how to handle it. The biblical challenge is to pray instead of worrying. And then the peace of God which passes all understanding will keep your hearts and your minds.