November 22, 2012
In a culture which worships at the altar of sex, the Christian must take care not to over-react and view sex as something sinful. The truth is that Hollywood did not invent sex. A holy God, totally separate from sin, made us sexual beings. We must not relinquish the sanctity of sex because some have exploited it. Sex is not the trademark of the world; it bears the personal label, “made by God.” However, we must be quick to say that God gave us the ‘owners manual’. In God’s plan sex is reserved for marriage. Within marriage, sex bonds us together, body, soul, and spirit. For more on finding mutual sexual fulfillment, see my book The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted.
November 20, 2012
Over the years, I have counseled many couples who were contemplating divorce. The one scripture that always comes to my mind is Gal. 6:7. “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.” God gives us real freedom, but we are never free from the seeds we plant. The pain and brokenness of divorce follows us and our children for a lifetime. When the Bible says that “God hates divorce,” it’s because He knows the pain that divorce causes. I know that you cannot make your spouse reconcile. But you can reach out for help. Call a pastor, a counselor, a friend or read a book. Discover your options and don’t forget that God is the God of miracles.
November 13, 2012
When marriages fall apart, where do we go for help?
The Christian, turns to God because we know that He cares. The Bible is God’s clearest voice for guidance. And the Bible calls us to repentance and reconciliation. Notice I said repentance. There can be no reconciliation without repentance. In marriage, this calls for mutual repentance, for almost always the failure has involved both parties. I do not wish to minimize the hurt, pain, frustration, anger, resentment, loneliness, and disappointment you may feel. Nor do I take lightly your past efforts at marital adjustment. But this is a new day and calls for new choices. Deal with your own failures and ask God to help you do something positive today. Reconciliation comes one step at a time.
July 31, 2012
God said of Adam, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Therefore, God created a ‘helper suitable for him.’ The word ‘suitable’ means ‘one perfectly matched.’ The word ‘helper’ implies that the wife is to be actively involved with her husband in ‘subduing the earth.’
This principle of cooperative endeavor applies to decision making as well as other areas of life. Why should a husband be limited to his own insights when he has a wise helper? How can a wife be a helper if she is always silent? When a husband or wife seeks to control the other, they cease to be a team. This was never God’s intention.
April 5, 2012
Most of us will admit that we are not perfect.
From time to time we say and do things that are not loving, kind, or helpful. In a marriage these failures build into walls of separation. If you would like to remove past failures, you must first identify them.
Get pen and paper and then ask God to bring to your mind the ways you have hurt your spouse in the past. Now, go to your children individually and ask them to tell you times when they have seen you being unkind to your spouse. Get ready, because children can be brutally honest. Then ask the same question to close friends who have had opportunity to observe your behavior. This process can be painful, but it is the first step in dealing with past failures.
March 22, 2012
No other relationship is more important than our relationship with God. However, sometimes our relationship with God grows stale, or mundane. We are loving God, but we are doing it in the same old way, week after week and it has become ritual. We serve at the soup kitchen, or give our offering, without even thinking about God. It’s just what we do.
If you want to keep your love relationship with God alive, try speaking some new love languages. Instead of praying in the same familiar chair, stand up and pray or kneel or lay on the floor. Hold your offering in your hand and lift it to God as a symbol that this is an act of love. Then take it to church. God never intends that our relationship with Him become mundane.
March 20, 2012
Christianity is a love relationship with God. But what does that look like in daily life?
In my book: God Speaks Your Love Language, I use the five love languages as a model for understanding this love relationship. I am drawn to Christ when He speaks my love language. Then, I reciprocate by expressing my love to Him using my love language.
For example if my love language is receiving gifts, then I am drawn to Christ because He offers to give me forgiveness and eternal life. I am overwhelmed with His gift. Then I show my love to Him by giving gifts. My money is His money. I take great delight in supporting missionaries and giving food to feed the poor. Love is always a two way street.
March 15, 2012
Jesus said, “No man comes to the Father, unless the Spirit draws Him.” God’s method of drawing us is ‘love’. The amazing thing is that God individualizes His expressions of love. To put it another way, He speaks our love language. The man whose love language is physical touch, will say, “I felt God. My body was shaking. Tears were flowing down my face.”
Another man will say, “I came to Christ because I was overcome with the reality that Christ actually was willing to take my punishment and die.” His love language was ‘acts of service’. He saw Christ’s death on the cross as the supreme act of service.
March 13, 2012
Jesus said, “As often as you do it unto one of the least of these my brothers, you do it unto me.” We love God by loving others. However, how we express love will depend on our love language. My love language is Words of Affirmation. Therefore, I find myself freely giving encouraging words to those I meet. My wife’s love language is acts of service. So, she is always doing things to help people.
I have a friend who is always giving gifts. And another, who loves to take people to lunch and spend time listening as they share their stories. And yet another, who is always giving people hugs and pats on the back. All of us are loving God by loving others. We differ only in the love language we speak.
March 8, 2012
Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” Why would you want to love God? The Apostle John said, “We love God because He first loved us.” Some time ago, I began a study of the various ways in which God expresses His love to us.
I discovered that God speaks all five love languages fluently: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. That study led to the publishing of my book: God Speaks Your Love Language. What makes one person feel loved does not necessarily make another person feel loved. God knows you and He chooses to speak your love language.