The Truth About Valentine’s Day

Today is Valentine’s Day. The name comes from two saints in the early church. One St. Valentine was a priest who lived in Rome during the 200’s. He was jailed and later beheaded for aiding persecuted Christians. The other St. Valentine was the bishop of Terni, about 60 miles from Rome. He was beheaded in 273 A.D. for converting a Roman family to Christianity.

If you want to know what Valentine’s Day is all about, it is sharing the good news of Christ, in spite of opposition. It is caring enough to share that Christ is the way, the truth, and the life; that he offers eternal life to all who are willing to accept Him. So, as you give your valentine’s cards, also offer a prayer and seek to plant a seed in the heart of the ones you love.

“What Have You Done With My Husband?”

Next week that we turn our hearts toward love. Valentine’s Day has been around since 496 A.D.  The most common expression of love is the Valentine card, but candy, and flowers are also common gifts. My friend Chris Fabry has established a tradition that I like. He stretches Valentine’s Day into Valentine’s Week.

He gives his wife a gift each day for a week, ending with Valentine’s Day. Just like the 12 days of Christmas. He celebrates 7 days of love. For all the husbands who are listening, there’s an idea that could spark new life in your marriage. Start today with a candy kiss, tomorrow give her a small snicker’s bar, then a rose. By the middle of the week  she’ll be asking, “What’s going on?” Your answer?  “It’s all about love.”

Birthdays and Family in Eternity

One year ago today, my mother turned 99. Today she is in heaven. We often talked about her living to be one hundred. But I knew that was not her desire. She talked about going home, and I knew she was not talking about her earthly home. Two weeks before she died she prayed, “Lord, take me home. My work is done.” On March 9th this year, God answered her prayers.

My mother’s name was Grace, and that has been her spirit though all these years. She gave her heart to Christ as a teenager and has walked with Him ever since. My dad and sister are both in heaven. I can only imagine the reunion they are having. I thought about singing “Happy 100th Birthday Mom”, but I don’t think that matters in eternity. On this day, I’m extremely grateful for a Christian family.

Arms Wide Open

In our culture, Christmas is a time when families get together. That’s really what Christmas was all about: God reaching out to bring us together. We were made to have fellowship with God, but we walked away. We left home. We wandered afar. But God came to find us through a babe in Bethlehem. He lived a perfect life.  He died a sacrificial death. He paid our penalty, so we could return home without penalty.

I hope that you have responded to the love of God expressed in Christ. I hope that you have accepted the gift of forgiveness. I hope that you can call God, Father, and know that He is not ashamed to call you his son or daughter. If not, His arms are always open.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Webster says, that ‘merry’ implies uninhibited enjoyment of frolic, festivity, or fun. In addition, freshness and buoyancy as manifest in singing, leaping, and dancing. That’s what I wish for you on this Christmas day. That’s what the shepherds did.  Luke says, “The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen.”

I hope that in the busyness of this day, you will find a place where you can let your spirit rise in praise to God for what He did on that first Christmas. The babe of Bethlehem was born to die so that we might have eternal life. Yes, the hinge of history is attached to the door of a Bethlehem stable. So, let us sing, leap, and dance for joy in celebration.

Have a Merry Christmas!

The Day Before Christmas

For many, today is a day dedicated to ‘last minute shopping’. I’m often wondered what God was doing the day before Christ was born? Probably guiding each step as Joseph and Mary traveled to Bethlehem. The most profound event of human history was about to happen. The theologians call it the ‘incarnation’. God becoming human in the form of a baby.

God had communicated for hundreds of years through the prophets. But now He sends His own Son. To use the words of John, “The Word became flesh and we observed His glory, the glory as the One and Only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” In the midst of today’s busyness, let’s make time to reflect upon God’s greatest gift.

Are You Getting the Point?

Communication is not easy until you have a disagreement. So, how do we process conflicts without arguing? As I was writing my book The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, one of the great discoveries I made was the awesome power of listening. Most of us are far better at “making our point” than in “getting the point” of the other person. Listening has to do with trying to look at the world through the other person’s eyes. It’s not difficult if you try.

Once you can truthfully say, “I think I understand what you are saying, and it makes sense.” Then you can say, “Let me tell you how I’m thinking, and if it makes sense to you.” Two people who listen long enough to affirm each other can then find a win-win solution.

Arguments reveal the heart. Almost all arguments grow out of unmet emotional needs. One wife said, “Little things like getting the old newspapers out of the garage for recycling is not a big deal to him, but it is important to me because I hate clutter. It’s kind of a visual thing.” What is she saying? One of her emotional needs is to have order in the house. Clutter is emotionally upsetting to her.

The wise husband and wife will look for the emotional need behind the argument. Why is my spouse so upset over what seems trivial to me? The answer to that question will help  you understand your spouse. Meeting emotional needs for each other is one way to create a positive climate for communication.

Balancing Work and Family

Money, Family, or Both?

Is it possible that we may be working so hard to support our families financially that we end up losing our families? Then money becomes empty compensation. This week we’ll talk about the issue of money and marriage.

What is most important in life? If we are given stark choices, the issue becomes clear. If someone offered you one million dollars for your child or your spouse, would you take it? Any sensible parent or spouse would say, “No”. But do we not sell our families for much less when we spend all of our energy working for money and have no time left to enjoy our relationships?

The Key is Balance

Work is a noble endeavor. In fact the Bible says that if a man will not work, neither should he eat. But can we work too much? Is vocational success worth losing a marriage? The Scriptures teach that life’s meaning is not found in things, but in relationships. It is found first in a relationship with God, and then with family and others.

Family relationships are always in process. If we want to keep our marriages alive, our families healthy, then we must find ways of balancing work and family. Thousands of men and women are finding that a growing marriage and a healthy family requires readjusting schedules from time to time. The key question is, “How does my work affect my marriage and family?” Once I answer that question, I will know if I need to change my work patterns.

Integration & Time Management

The answer is not always less work. Sometimes it is integrating the family into my work. For example, does your work allow the opportunity for you and your spouse to have lunch together from time to time? Such lunches can be an oasis in the midst of a dry day.

If your work requires travel, could you take your spouse or one of your children with you? This allows a mini-vacation which you might not otherwise be able to afford. It also exposes your family to your vocation and gives them a little more appreciation for what you do.

Less work and more time at home is not necessarily the answer. Better use of time at home may make all the difference. Do something different tonight with your spouse or with a child.  Get out of the routine. Minimize the television and maximize activity and conversation.  Keep your marriage alive and growing.

Living with a Depressed Spouse

John is a successful business man, but his wife is suffering from depression. “She spends most mornings in bed, and in the afternoons she just sits around the house,” he said. “She seems to have no ambition. Every night, I have to bring food home for dinner. Many nights she doesn’t eat with us. She has lost forty pounds over the last year. To be truthful, life is pretty miserable at our house. I feel sorry for the kids, although they get more attention than I do. But I know they must wonder what is wrong with their mother.”

John just described some of the classic characteristics of depression. Unfortunately, depression does not go away simply with the passing of time. John’s wife needs medical and psychological help, and without it things will get even worse. Many Christians don’t understand depression. They think it is a spiritual problem. While it may have a spiritual dimension, it is often rooted in physical, and emotional imbalance.

Identifying the Problem

What do you do when your spouse is depressed? First, you must get information. It is helpful to think of three categories of depression. First, depression may be the by-product of a physical illness. When we are physically sick, our minds and emotions move into a depressed state. We temporarily check out. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from constant anxiety about your physical condition.

The second kind of depression is called situational depression or reactive depression. It is a depression that grows out of a particularly painful situation in life.  Many of these experiences involve a sense of loss: the loss of a job, the loss of a child to college, or loss of a friendship.

The third category is depression rooted in some biochemical disorder. It is a physical disease, and must be treated with medication. Visit the library or search the web and learn about depression. It’s the first step in helping your spouse.

Finding the Solution

The healthiest road of treatment involves an honest and in-depth evaluation of three elements: physical, psychological, and spiritual. Seriously depressed persons will seldom take initiative to help themselves. As a caring spouse you must insist that they get help. Depression is not an incurable disease. Even those who have been depressed for months or sometimes years can find relief with the proper treatment.

Long term depression can be devastating to a marriage. If your spouse has been depressed for more than a few weeks, I urge you to take action.

Mom’s Choice Awards Presented to Love Language Books

The Mom’s Choice Awards has named Dr. Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages Singles Edition (Northfield Publishing, 2009), as well as The Five Love Languages of Children (Northfield Publishing, 1997) among the best in family-friendly media, products and services.

The esteemed Mom’s Choice Awards seal helps parents, educators, librarians and retailers wade through an overwhelming number of choices to select quality materials for families.

The Five Love Languages Singles Edition has proven itself a must-read for single adults in all walks of life. This special edition helps readers successfully navigate relationships in the workplace, friendships, and the dating environment. The Five Love Languages of Children explores how speaking the right love language affects and transforms a child’s attitude, behavior, and development.

To learn more about Mom’s Choice Awards, visit www.momschoiceawards.com.