Category: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is Always the Christian Response

So, your spouse has failed you. But now, they have confessed their wrong and are seeking to change their behavior. What are you to do? In the Scriptures, forgiveness is always the Christian response to confession and repentance. Remember, forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision to lift the penalty and declare the person pardoned. Forgiveness means that you will no longer hold that failure against your spouse. Human forgiveness is based on God’s forgiveness. Christ paid the penalty for our sins. When we confess and repent, God forgives us. The same principle applies in human relationships. There are no healthy marriages without confession, repentance, and forgiveness.

Becoming the Person Your Spouse Deserves

You don’t have to be perfect to have a good marriage. But, you do need to deal effectively with your failures. Otherwise they sit as barriers to a growing marriage. How do you get rid of past failures? First, you identify them – write them down. Second, you confess them as wrong – to God and to your spouse. Third, you repent – change your behavior. To confess this week, and then repeat the same behavior next week, does not remove barriers. It makes things worse. God is in the business of changing lives. Why not sign up for God’s rehabilitation program. Let Him give you the power to break old habits and replace them with acts of kindness and love. You can become the person, your spouse deserves.

Starting Over

Would you like to put the past behind you and start over? I’m talking about in your marriage. Many couples have so much pain from past failures that they have a hard time moving ahead. Time alone, will not heal hurts. Healing comes when we are willing to confess our failures and change our behavior. Some of us would like to leave out the confession part and just focus on being different in the future. However, confession is essential to the healing process. Even God requires confession before He forgives. I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.” Confession means that we admit to our spouse that what we did is wrong. We accept responsibility for our failure and request forgiveness.

Biblical Forgiveness

Biblical forgiveness in marriage is the decision to no longer credit an offense against your spouse with a view of exacting vengeance. It means you release your spouse from a debt owed to you as well as the blame he or she may deserve. Forgiveness is first and foremost a decision. It doesn’t begin with an emotion. It is not contingent on how you feel about your spouse, but rather it is a choice to no longer blame your spouse for an offense.

Continue reading article by Dr. Tony Evans >>

 

We Must Deal with Past Failures

A husband once said to me, “Why can’t we just forget the past and focus on the present and the future?” I’m empathetic with this husband, but it doesn’t work that way. We must deal with past failures before we can ‘put them behind us’. Otherwise, it keeps popping back up. The first step in dealing with past failures is to identify them. Where have we failed each other? Most of us can identify our spouse’s failures more readily than we can identify our own. However, Jesus taught that we should first – get the beam out of our own eye. So why not ask God to bring to your mind all of the times when you have hurt your spouse. Write them down. We cannot deal with past failures until we identify them.

An Autumn Check-Up

How about a little Autumn check-up? Has it been a good year for you so far? Some of you would say, “Well financially, it hasn’t been a good year.” Others would say, “When it comes to my health, no, it hasn’t been a good year.” Unfortunately, many would say, “For my marriage, it hasn’t been a good year.” Some things are beyond our control. That’s true in the area of finances, health, and relationships. But always we choose our attitude. Will we curse the darkness or will we light a candle? Will we trust God, or rail out in anger? Why not decide to finish this year trusting God, and asking Him for wisdom in how you can best respond to your present situation. Life with God is always better than traveling alone.

Q&A: Is There Hope for a Divorced Couple?

Q: Gary, I am recently divorced and have just discovered the 5LL. I haven’t been speaking his. We are still in touch. Can I still save something of our marriage?

 

Gary: You know I have many people who share this sentiment: they wish they had discovered their love languages much earlier. But if you have contact, you can still speak his love language with whatever opportunities you have. I would begin with an apology, though. I would say to him, “You know, I was reading a book the other day and I realized that I failed you in terms of loving you. I didn’t even know your love language.” And now you’ve got his attention. You’re apologizing to him for failing to meet his need for love, and when you apologize it opens the door to the possibility of him forgiving you, and then when you ask for another chance he’s far more likely to give you another chance because he sees a change in you.

Do You Know how to Apologize?

Do you know how to apologize? Chances are you do what your parents taught you, but that may not be enough. Dr. Jennifer Thomas and I discovered that people have different ideas on what it means to apologize. In fact, there are five languages of apology. If you don’t speak the right language, you are not likely to have a favorable response. If you aren’t sure how to apologize, consider saying this: “I value our relationship. What do I need to do or say in order for you to consider forgiving me?” Their answer will reveal their ‘primary apology language.’ Express your apology in that language and you will likely receive forgiveness.

Essentials for Healthy Relationships

Do you have a relationship that is presently broken or fractured? What would it take to heal the relationship? I’d like to suggest two essentials: apologizing and forgiving. When we have hurt someone, it is time to apologize. Don’t let your pride keep you from admitting that you were wrong. When someone has hurt you, it is time to confront. Jesus said that if someone sins against you, then you should tell them, and seek reconciliation. Don’t let fear keep you from confronting the person who has hurt you. Healthy relationships must be authentic. You cannot suffere in silence and hope things will workout. Apologizing and forgiving are two essentials for healthy relationships.

Understanding the value of apologizing.

I was giving a lecture on the five love languages of apology. At the break, a man approached me and said: “For the first time in my life, I understand the value of apologizing. My father’s philosophy was that ‘apologizing gets you nowhere. Do the best you can and never look back.’ That’s pretty much the way I lived until my wife committed adultery.” “So, what would it take for you to forgive her?” I asked. “I want her to admit that what she did was wrong and to promise me that she will never do it again. If I knew that she would never do it again, I think I could forgive her.” This husband was demonstrating the necessity of apologies. There are no healthy marriages without apologies and forgiveness.

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