Category: Children

Speak All Five Love Languages to Your Child

Some parents have asked me, “Do we only need to speak the child’s primary love language or do we need to speak all five?”

My answer is that the children who fare best in life are the children who learn to give and receive love in all five love languages.  First, make sure you are speaking the child’s primary love language regularly. Then speak the other four.

What are the five love languages?: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch. Most of us did not grow up in homes where we learned all five languages of love. Our parents were sincere but may not have spoken our love language at all. As adults, we have the opportunity to learn how to give and receive love in all five languages. This will greatly enhance our parenting.

Q&A: How do I speak my child’s love language of gifts?

Question: My daughter’s primary Love Language is gifts and I’m concerned that in this materialistic world, she confuses what love really is. How can I teach her?

Answer: I think it’s a genuine and legitimate concern. What I would suggest is this: If a child’s love language is gifts, the gifts don’t have to be expensive and they certainly don’t have to be everything a child is asking for. That would be a serious mistake. You can give them little things: a stone you pick up in a parking lot, a flower from the garden, just one bite of candy. Little things will mean a lot to this child. In terms of gifts, you give them something you think will be helpful for them. Don’t give them everything they ask or that will teach them materialism. But give them those things that will be beneficial for them.

Q&A: How do I speak my child's love language of gifts?

Question: My daughter’s primary Love Language is gifts and I’m concerned that in this materialistic world, she confuses what love really is. How can I teach her?

Answer: I think it’s a genuine and legitimate concern. What I would suggest is this: If a child’s love language is gifts, the gifts don’t have to be expensive and they certainly don’t have to be everything a child is asking for. That would be a serious mistake. You can give them little things: a stone you pick up in a parking lot, a flower from the garden, just one bite of candy. Little things will mean a lot to this child. In terms of gifts, you give them something you think will be helpful for them. Don’t give them everything they ask or that will teach them materialism. But give them those things that will be beneficial for them.

Celebrate Peyton Giveaway Contest

To be their best, children need to feel loved. But if you and your child speak different love languages, your affection might get lost in translation, affecting the child’s attitude, behavior, and development. In my book for parents, The 5 Love Languages of Children (updated and revised, 2012), Dr. Ross Campbell and I help you to discover and speak your child’s love language and give you practical suggestions for learning how your children interpret love—creating a sense of security in which they can thrive.

This month marks the release of my debut children’s book, A Perfect Pet for Peyton. It’s an entertaining and playful story of five children who each, with the help of “Mr. Chapman” and the unique pets at his special emporium, discover their own personal love language. The story is designed to help kids and their parents learn together about how we give and receive love differently. I really think you’ll enjoy the fun illustrations too! Children and parents alike will experience firsthand the power of the love languages as they cuddle up and spend precious time together reading this book over and over again.

To celebrate the release of A Perfect Pet for Peyton, we are giving away 10 sets of books!

*UPDATE: This contest is now closed and the winners have been chosen. Please keep an eye out for future contests and giveaways!

Enter to win both books by leaving a comment at the end of this post. For extra entries, like my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter and include that you did in a separate comment. Entries must be received by Monday, April 30, 2012 at midnight CST. Winners will be selected randomly and notified by email. To qualify, winners must reside within the U.S. or Canada.

» Note to iPhone Users
As an added bonus, a fun and interactive free app called “Peyton and Friends” is now available for iPhone which will enhance the in-book experience with A Perfect Pet for Peyton. Watch the characters in your book come alive with cutting edge AR (augmented reality) technology—something you have to see to believe. Help Peyton find perfect pets for his friends right in the room you are in using the camera function on your phone, test your pizza making skills against flying pepperoni, hear the talking parrot repeat everything you say, or help Mr. Chapman keep his pocket mouse from escaping with these four games your kids will love.

Q&A: What can I do if he won’t apologize?

Question: Our son and daughter-in-law will not allow us to see the grandchildren. It stemmed from something my husband did last summer. He is not willing to apologize. What can I do?

Answer: That question makes me sad. I cannot imagine having no contact with my grandchildren. I am empathetic with this wife. I don’t know what happened, but if an apology would lift the barrier and he is unwilling to apologize, he needs help. I know he is not likely to go for help. So, I suggest you go for help. Tell him something like this: I love you too much to do nothing. I know that you do not want to deprive the grandchildren of their grand-father.

So, If you are not willing to apologize, then I’m going to see a counselor (or a pastor) and try to find help. I want you to go with me, but if not, then I’m going alone.” Then do it. This kind of tough love, may be what is needed to awaken him to reality. Life is too short to live with broken relationships. You might also give him my book, The Five languages of Apology, which gives real life illustrations of how an apology can restore relationships.

Q&A: What can I do if he won't apologize?

Question: Our son and daughter-in-law will not allow us to see the grandchildren. It stemmed from something my husband did last summer. He is not willing to apologize. What can I do?

Answer: That question makes me sad. I cannot imagine having no contact with my grandchildren. I am empathetic with this wife. I don’t know what happened, but if an apology would lift the barrier and he is unwilling to apologize, he needs help. I know he is not likely to go for help. So, I suggest you go for help. Tell him something like this: I love you too much to do nothing. I know that you do not want to deprive the grandchildren of their grand-father.

So, If you are not willing to apologize, then I’m going to see a counselor (or a pastor) and try to find help. I want you to go with me, but if not, then I’m going alone.” Then do it. This kind of tough love, may be what is needed to awaken him to reality. Life is too short to live with broken relationships. You might also give him my book, The Five languages of Apology, which gives real life illustrations of how an apology can restore relationships.

Listen to Your Child’s Requests

What do your children request from you most often?

Listen to their requests and you will discover their love language. If your child says, “Does my dress look nice?” Or, “Did I do a good job on my homework?” Their love language is ‘words of affirmation.’ If on the other hand, a child says, “Mommy can I help you set the table?” Or, “Can I help you make the bed?” Then, ‘acts of service’ is likely the child’s love language.

Listen to the requests of your child and you will discover what makes them feel loved. Discovering and speaking your child’s love language is the most effective way of keeping the child’s love tank full. A full love tank makes a child more responsive to instruction and correction.

For more, see my newly updated book: The 5 Love Languages of Children

Listen to Your Child's Requests

What do your children request from you most often?

Listen to their requests and you will discover their love language. If your child says, “Does my dress look nice?” Or, “Did I do a good job on my homework?” Their love language is ‘words of affirmation.’ If on the other hand, a child says, “Mommy can I help you set the table?” Or, “Can I help you make the bed?” Then, ‘acts of service’ is likely the child’s love language.

Listen to the requests of your child and you will discover what makes them feel loved. Discovering and speaking your child’s love language is the most effective way of keeping the child’s love tank full. A full love tank makes a child more responsive to instruction and correction.

For more, see my newly updated book: The 5 Love Languages of Children

Your Child’s Love Language

How do you learn a child’s love language?

Observe how they express love to others. If they are always wanting to help you do things, then ‘acts of service’ is probably their love language. If they say, “you’re such a good mommy,” then words of affirmation is likely their language. They are loving you in the language they wish to receive.

Another clue is what do your children complain about?  If Johnny says, “We don’t ever take walks in the park since the baby came.” He’s telling you that ‘quality time’ is his love language. If your daughter says, “you didn’t bring me anything?” she’s revealing that her love language is receiving gifts. Learn to speak your child love language and watch their countenance change.

For more, please see my newly updated book: The 5 Love Languages of Children.

Your Child's Love Language

How do you learn a child’s love language?

Observe how they express love to others. If they are always wanting to help you do things, then ‘acts of service’ is probably their love language. If they say, “you’re such a good mommy,” then words of affirmation is likely their language. They are loving you in the language they wish to receive.

Another clue is what do your children complain about?  If Johnny says, “We don’t ever take walks in the park since the baby came.” He’s telling you that ‘quality time’ is his love language. If your daughter says, “you didn’t bring me anything?” she’s revealing that her love language is receiving gifts. Learn to speak your child love language and watch their countenance change.

For more, please see my newly updated book: The 5 Love Languages of Children.

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