December 20, 2013
Q: My husband has told me that he doesn’t find me attractive. It breaks my heart, but what can I do?
Dr. Gary Chapman: I would say to ask why. If he says, “You’re overweight,” or “You dress sloppy,” those are things you can work on. However, it is likely far deeper than that; it is more than physical, it is emotional. Ask, “On a scale of 0 to 10. How much love do you feel coming from me?” It will probably be rather low. Then ask, “What can I do to help meet your need for love?” Take the quiz on 5lovelanguages.com and determine each other’s language. You can then begin to speak his language and vice versa. Chances are, he will begin to find you attractive again.
October 28, 2013
Q: As an older woman, how can I be more attractive to my husband who continually tells me that only the young are beautiful?
Gary Chapman: I believe the older we get, if we’re walking with God, the more beautiful we become. Because real beauty, is not on the outside; real beauty is a matter of the heart. And the person who’s demanding that his wife look young when she’s not young is being very unrealistic. He’s exalting physical beauty above spiritual and emotional beauty. Make the most of what you have, but let’s face it: most people are not super models, nor do you need to be in order to have a good marriage. I do think it’s something you need to talk about because perhaps he is distorted in his thinking about what makes a good marriage; it’s certainly not physical beauty.