September 1, 2016
In today’s world, many people are suffering from the pain of debt. Others are troubled with the upheavals of the financial markets. Let me remind you of the words of Jesus: “A man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” If you understand that truth it will change your life forever. Real satisfaction is found not in money, but in loving relationships with God, our spouse, children and friends. Loving relationships are our greatest assets. Most of us could live with less money, and may of necessity have to do so. But, if that helps us focus on relationships, then we still come out winners. Why not have a family ‘soup’ night – eat only soup and crackers and thank God that you are alive and together.
January 26, 2015
Q: Gary, I discovered emails between my husband and someone from his past. They have been in touch throughout our marriage. He met her for dinner on a business trip out of town 5 years ago. He ended the contact; we did counseling. But, I’m still angry and so hurt.
Gary Chapman: It’s understandable that one would be hurt and experience the emotion of anger when a spouse has stepped out of line. What is fortunate is that, in this case, your spouse ended that relationship, the two of you went for counseling, and, I’m assuming, you processed that rather thoroughly.
I would suggest that even though the hurt and the anger may come back you take these emotions to God. Say, “Lord, you know what I am remembering. You know what I am feeling again. But, in spite of this, I thank you that my husband repented and I’ve forgiven him. Now help me to do something good today.”
Don’t allow the emotions that come from the past memory destroy today.
October 4, 2013
Q: Do stress and anxiety cause intimacy problems? I just don’t feel like the same person I was earlier in our marriage.
Gary Chapman: It is true that all of us have some level of stress. Anxiety, on the other hand, is a different matter. That’s the word we often use when we really mean worry. We are worrying when we are spinning our wheels and getting nowhere. This will affect intimacy in our marriage. It’s going to affect the whole of life because we are going to have a much more negative attitude toward life. All of us have a stress level and we need to learn how to handle it. The biblical challenge is to pray instead of worrying. And then the peace of God which passes all understanding will keep your hearts and your minds.
September 13, 2013
Q: As a military spouse I struggle with fear and worry about my husband who is on active duty. How can I find peace?
Gary Chapman: Spiritual help is probably the greatest help in this situation. I think the answer lies in the biblical concept of praying about everything, which will help you to not worry about things. Certainly, you should be concerned about your spouse but let that concern be a catalyst to pray for God’s hand upon them. Pray also for God to keep your heart and mind calm as you entrust your life and your spouse to him. This is one area I touch on in my newest release, The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. I think you’d find it helpful as you read the stories of other couples who deal with the same struggles that you’re dealing with.
June 27, 2013
One of the great hindrances to marital growth is the belief that “some situations are hopeless.” Those who believe this, usually think that their situation falls into this category. They reason, “Perhaps there is hope for others, but my marriage is hopeless. Too much has happened. It has gone on too long; the hurt is too deep, the damage is irreversible.” This kind of thinking leads to depression and divorce. Talk to any Christian counselor and they can tell you of scores of couples whose marriages have been radically changed. It all begins with choosing to live by truth rather than believing a lie. I call this “reality living.” Remember Jesus said, “The truth will set you free.”
June 20, 2013
One of the commonly held myths of our day is that “people cannot change.” If my spouse has been unfaithful, then they will certainly do it again, no matter what they promise. If they have miss-managed our money for 5 years, they will continue to do so. Accepting this myth leads to feelings of hopelessness. This myth fails to reckon with the reality of human freedom and the power of God. Libraries are filled with accounts of people who have made radical changes in their behavior. St. Augustine, who once lived for pleasure and thought his lusts were inescapable, radically changed and became a great leader in the church. People can and do change, and often the changes are dramatic. Don’t give up on the person you love.