Q&A: Should I Apologize to Those from Past Relationships?

Q: Gary, I will be getting married soon and I want to have a clean conscience. Should I apologize to those whom I might have hurt in previous relationships?

Gary: I think a good basic pattern is that we always apologize to the people we’ve hurt in the past. Sometimes we haven’t learned that and we leave a whole string of relationships that are fractured because we never accept that responsibility. If you’ve hurt people in past relationships, then yes, I think it’s good to go back and apologize for your part in that relationship and for what you did. You’re not asking for reconciliation because you’re getting married to someone else, but you are acknowledging responsibility for your failures in the past.

Fall Reflection

This is the time for Fall reflection. Are you pleased with the way you invested your time and energies so far this year? Are there changes you need to make in your lifestyle as we move into Fall? Do you need to drop some activities and add others? Family, church, vocation, and neighbors are all important. The key word is ‘balance’. The greatest satisfaction in life is in investing your life in the lives of others. But you also need to take care of yourself. Proper food, sleep, and recreation keep the body strong. A daily quiet time with God, and weekly involvement with other Christians energizes the spirit. Could a minor change in your lifestyle make a major difference in your effectiveness?

Your Unhappy Marriage May be More Harmful to Your Children than You Realize

We’re often warned about the detrimental effects divorce can have on children: It can make them insecure, worried, or harm their ability to have a successful marriage later on in life. If you find yourself in an unhappy marriage and have decided to stay for the sake of the children, it is vital to realize there are repercussions to that decision. Below are three consequences of maintaining status quo in an unhappy marriage which will hopefully serve as motivation to reignite the process of healing and restoration in your marriage.

Continue reading article by Nancy Pina >>

An Autumn Check-Up

How about a little Autumn check-up? Has it been a good year for you so far? Some of you would say, “Well financially, it hasn’t been a good year.” Others would say, “When it comes to my health, no, it hasn’t been a good year.” Unfortunately, many would say, “For my marriage, it hasn’t been a good year.” Some things are beyond our control. That’s true in the area of finances, health, and relationships. But always we choose our attitude. Will we curse the darkness or will we light a candle? Will we trust God, or rail out in anger? Why not decide to finish this year trusting God, and asking Him for wisdom in how you can best respond to your present situation. Life with God is always better than traveling alone.

Q&A: Marrying your 3rd Cousin

Q: Gary, is there something spiritually or otherwise wrong with dating a 3rd cousin… especially if it’s been going on for a long time and you both love each other?

 

Gary: 3rd cousin! Boy, I don’t even know how you figure that out! I think that’s far enough removed… probably a lot of people have married 3rd cousins and not even known it. I don’t know of anything biblically or socially that would speak against that. I’m not a medical doctor, though, so there might be genetic factors that would come into play. I personally don’t see any red flags waving.

Q&A: Is There Hope for a Divorced Couple?

Q: Gary, I am recently divorced and have just discovered the 5LL. I haven’t been speaking his. We are still in touch. Can I still save something of our marriage?

 

Gary: You know I have many people who share this sentiment: they wish they had discovered their love languages much earlier. But if you have contact, you can still speak his love language with whatever opportunities you have. I would begin with an apology, though. I would say to him, “You know, I was reading a book the other day and I realized that I failed you in terms of loving you. I didn’t even know your love language.” And now you’ve got his attention. You’re apologizing to him for failing to meet his need for love, and when you apologize it opens the door to the possibility of him forgiving you, and then when you ask for another chance he’s far more likely to give you another chance because he sees a change in you.

A Man’s Life does not Consist in the Abundance of His Posessions

In today’s world, many people are suffering from the pain of debt. Others are troubled with the upheavals of the financial markets. Let me remind you of the words of Jesus: “A man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” If you understand that truth it will change your life forever. Real satisfaction is found not in money, but in loving relationships with God, our spouse, children and friends. Loving relationships are our greatest assets. Most of us could live with less money, and may of necessity have to do so. But, if that helps us focus on relationships, then we still come out winners. Why not have a family ‘soup’ night – eat only soup and crackers and thank God that you are alive and together.

The Art of Apologizing

Though the word apology, as we know it, does not exist in the New Testament, an absence of the specific word does not indicate an absence of the concept. Scripture provides lessons for how to do this well and demonstrates that there is more to making an apology than what we often hear in popular culture.

Continue Reading Article by Dorothy Greco >>

Selfishness is the Problem

Do you have a conflict that you have not been able to solve in your marriage? May I make a suggestion? Why not write out all the possible solutions that you can think of. Ask your spouse to do the same. Then sit down and compare your lists. Perhaps in at least one of the solutions, you both agree. Why not try it and see if it works. Conflicts are going to always arise because of one simple reality. We are human. Humans don’t always have the same thoughts and feelings. Conflicts are not the problem. Selfishness is the problem. When I insist that my way is the only ‘right’ way, I’m condemning my spouse. Condemnation does not lead to a good marriage.

Q&A: Fading in Love

Q: Gary, I’m engaged, but the “in-love” phase seems to already be ending. How can we maintain the ‘openness’ in our relationship?

 

Gary: I’m glad you’re acknowledging that the “in-love” feelings are fading; if you’ve dated long enough, they’re bound to fade before you get married. That’s where the 5 Love Languages can really help you stay emotionally connected to each other. If you haven’t read the book, read it, and if you don’t know each other’s love language then I would encourage you to take the quiz. Speak that language on a regular basis and you will keep the emotional love alive in the relationship.