Emotional Climates in the Workplace

Do you and your co-workers feel appreciated for the work you do? One employee who was leaving his job for another said, “It’s not about the money. It’s just that no matter what I do – how long I work or what I accomplish – I never hear anything positive. If I make a mistake, I hear about it immediately, but if I do my job well, there is silence.” I believe that thousands of employees can identify with this statement. That is why Dr. Paul White and I teamed up to write a book which addresses this issue. The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. We believe it will help managers and supervisors be more effective in their efforts to express appreciation.

Q+A: Mistakes of our Fathers

Q: Gary, is it really possible to have a strong marriage even though we come from broken homes?

Gary: You know, one of the realities of our culture is that thousands of people come from broken homes. Can we have a good marriage if we did not see one growing up? I believe we can. WE can learn from negative experiences and negative models as well as from good ones. So examine what happened in you parent’s relationship and ask yourself, “what can I do to avoid that, what can we do to avoid that? Yes, I think you can certainly have a wholesome marriage even though you came up in a family that didn’t experience that.

Q+A: Dissipated Feelings

Q: Gary, I feel like my fiancé has lost interest in me. How can I get her to be interested once again?

Gary: Well if I had a quick answer to that, I would make a million dollars. How many times in a dating relationship does a partner fall out of love before the other falls out of love? It’s a very common occurrence. It would be nice if you could read the five love languages together and particularly the chapter when I talk about being in love. Perhaps she would come to discover that these feelings dissipate for everyone. It doesn’t mean the relationship should stop, but it does mean we need to learn each other’s love languages so we can then assess the relationship.

Why the Disconnect?

One recent research project found that while 51% of business managers felt they expressed adequate appreciation for good performance; only 17 percent of the employees felt appreciated. Why this disconnect in workplace relationships? I believe because we make the mistake of thinking that what makes me feel appreciated will make others feel appreciated. This is a false assumption. Just as we have different love languages in family relationships, we also have different ‘appreciation languages’ in the work place. Dr. Paul White and I wrote a book entitled: The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. We believe that learning to speak a person’s primary appreciation language will yield amazing results in the workplace.

The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

Understanding the 5 love languages has helped many couples restore emotional intimacy. Over 11 million copies have been sold and it has been translated into 50 languages around the world. Now, we are taking the love languages to work, but we are calling them languages of appreciation. It is the emotional need to feel that those with whom and for whom I work appreciate me. If I feel appreciated, I will give my best to the job. If not, then I may only do what is required. We hear much in business circles about employee engagement. We want employees to be committed to the company and give their best. If you are a supervisor, manager, or employee: The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace will help you effectively communicate appreciation.

Appreciation in the Workplace

If you are employed, I have a question for you. One a scale of 0 – 10 how appreciated do you feel by your immediate supervisor? How appreciated do you feel by your co-workers? Our research found that 70% of those who work feel under-appreciated. 64% of those who leave a job for another say they did so primarily because they did not feel appreciated. Dr. Paul White and I wrote a book entitled: The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. We believe that one person (you) can change the emotional climate in your workplace. The key is learning how to express appreciation in a language that the other person understands.

Learn more at: appreciation-at-work.com

Q+A: Keeping Love Alive When Focus is Elsewhere

Q: Gary, our kids are taking more and more time and my husband and I seem tired ALL of the time. How can we keep our love alive when all focus is going elsewhere?

Gary: Well if all focus is going elsewhere, you can’t keep love alive. there has to be time to stimulate love in a marriage relationship. It’s a matter of priorities. Listen, children are important, but marriage is the most fundamental relationship in a family. If the two of you grow apart, what is that going to do for your children?

I think you need to look again at your schedule. Make time. Put it on the schedule. “We’re going to have dinner on these nights this month,” “We’re going to do this,” etc. Make plans, spend time with each other. Get a babysitter! There are people who would be happy to watch your children while you go out together. You have to make time to have a loving marriage.

Identifying Past Failures

Most of us will admit that we are not perfect. From time to time we say and do things that are not loving, kind, or helpful. In a marriage these failures build into walls of separation. If you would like to remove past failures, you must first identify them. Get pen and paper and ask God to bring to your mind the ways you have hurt your spouse in the past. Now, go to your children individually and ask them to tell you times when they have seen you being unkind to your spouse. Get ready, because children can be brutally honest. Then ask the same question to close friends who have had opportunity to observe your behavior. This process can be painful, but it is the first step in dealing with past failures.

Biblical Forgiveness

Biblical forgiveness in marriage is the decision to no longer credit an offense against your spouse with a view of exacting vengeance. It means you release your spouse from a debt owed to you as well as the blame he or she may deserve. Forgiveness is first and foremost a decision. It doesn’t begin with an emotion. It is not contingent on how you feel about your spouse, but rather it is a choice to no longer blame your spouse for an offense.

Continue reading article by Dr. Tony Evans >>


We Must Deal with Past Failures

A husband once said to me, “Why can’t we just forget the past and focus on the present and the future?” I’m empathetic with this husband, but it doesn’t work that way. We must deal with past failures before we can ‘put them behind us’. Otherwise, it keeps popping back up. The first step in dealing with past failures is to identify them. Where have we failed each other? Most of us can identify our spouse’s failures more readily than we can identify our own. However, Jesus taught that we should first – get the beam out of our own eye. So why not ask God to bring to your mind all of the times when you have hurt your spouse. Write them down. We cannot deal with past failures until we identify them.