Dr. Gary Chapman Receives Lifetime Achievement Award

PRESS RELEASE:

Phoenix, Arizona, August 30, 2010: Dr. Gary Chapman, best-selling author of The 5 Love Languages™, was honored by the Association of Marriage and Family Ministries (AMFM) with the H. Norman and Joyce Wright Lifetime Achievement Award during the opening night of the AMFM National Marriage and Family Ministry Training Conference on August 2, 2010.

This award is given annually to an individual or couple who exemplifies the work and legacy of H. Norman and Joyce Wright in marriage and family ministry. According to Eric Garcia, co-founder of AMFM, “Dr. Chapman has undoubtedly made a lasting impact on marriages and families with The 5 Love Languages, but his impact goes way beyond a book.  He has served thousands of churches, encouraging them to strengthen their marriages and families, marriage and family is simply his DNA.”

AMFM is a non-profit organization that exists to encourage, equip, serve and partner with those called to marriage and family ministry. They assist churches and community organizations in helping individuals, couples and families develop trusted relationships. The co-founders of AMFM are Eric and Jennifer Garcia, who have served in marriage ministry in their local church over the past eight years and are also the creators of Couple-to-Couple Mentoring™.

Contact:
Michele Elizaga
melizaga@amfmonline.com
8283 N. Hayden Rd. Suite 258
Scottsdale. AZ 85258
Ph: 480.718.3020

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Real Men Speak 5 Languages

Guest Post by Zack Williamson (Chapman Team)

Recently I was watching an episode of the new NBC show Losing It with Jillian. This particular episode featured the Vivio family who were learning to overcome some obstacles in regards to their weight. Along the way, a few relationship issues came to the forefront. One of these was Mark’s (husband/father) mentality that real men don’t let their emotions show. Originally instilled from his father, Mark was taught to just “suck it up” and provide for the family. At one point Mark even made this statement about his dad, “To this day he still can’t say it [I love you].” Unbeknownst to Mark, this attitude was having a negative effect on his son, Elijah.

Sometimes the way we think we show love best is not actually the best way to show love. Let me explain. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, everyone has a primary way in which they prefer to receive love called their primary love language. When someone speaks this love language to them, it fills their “love tank” to the brim and, inadvertently, they feel loved. Chapman has revealed five distinct languages from which our primary can be drawn—Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Quality Time.

If we do not know, or understand, that the “love tank” of others might be filled best through a language other than our own, we often default to showing love in the way we prefer to receive love ourselves. In Mark’s case, he was speaking Gifts by providing for the material needs of his family. But when he found that, due to some physical issues, he was no longer able to provide to the same degree he once could, Mark struggled with how to show love to his family.

Through a conversation with his wife and Jillian, Mark realizes that Elijah needs more than just provision—he needs Words of Affirmation from his father. During a heartfelt chat with his son, Mark tells Elijah that he is proud of him. A smile appears on Elijah’s face and the video cuts to Elijah saying, “When my dad told me how proud he was of me, I was happy.” In that one powerful moment Mark learns to speak his son’s love language and what a difference it makes for Elijah!

When you learn to speak love languages you are not necessarily comfortable with, you are showing a form of selfless love that speaks for itself. It shows you are genuine and that your love is real. Mark learned this, and his family is better for it.

Mark, thanks for caring enough to step out of your own comfort zone to love your family well. Real men speak 5 languages.

What’s so difficult about communication?

Why does communication  break down after marriage?  Often, the answer lies in emotions.  Before marriage we felt one over-powering emotion—love.  But now, the emotions of hurt, anger, disappointment, and fear often dominate.  These emotions do not encourage us to communicate.  Or, if we communicate it is likely to be critical.

We speak out of our anger and create even more negative feelings.  The key is in learning how to share emotions without condemnation.  “I’m feeling hurt and when you have time, I need your help.” Identifying your feelings and choosing to share them is step one.  Step two is accepting the feelings of your mate and asking, “What can I do to help?”

Why is communication so important in a relationship?  Because we are not mind readers. The apostle Paul recognized this reality when he asked the question, “Who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?  So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.” The reason we know what God is like is because God has chosen to reveal Himself.  If we listen and reciprocate, we can have a love relationship with God.

Likewise, when we reveal ourselves to another person, and they listen and reciprocate, we can build an intimate relationship with that person.  Communication is to a relationship what breathing is to the body.  Don’t stop talking and don’t stop listening.

Adapted from The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Balancing Work and Family

Money, Family, or Both?

Is it possible that we may be working so hard to support our families financially that we end up losing our families? Then money becomes empty compensation. This week we’ll talk about the issue of money and marriage.

What is most important in life? If we are given stark choices, the issue becomes clear. If someone offered you one million dollars for your child or your spouse, would you take it? Any sensible parent or spouse would say, “No”. But do we not sell our families for much less when we spend all of our energy working for money and have no time left to enjoy our relationships?

The Key is Balance

Work is a noble endeavor. In fact the Bible says that if a man will not work, neither should he eat. But can we work too much? Is vocational success worth losing a marriage? The Scriptures teach that life’s meaning is not found in things, but in relationships. It is found first in a relationship with God, and then with family and others.

Family relationships are always in process. If we want to keep our marriages alive, our families healthy, then we must find ways of balancing work and family. Thousands of men and women are finding that a growing marriage and a healthy family requires readjusting schedules from time to time. The key question is, “How does my work affect my marriage and family?” Once I answer that question, I will know if I need to change my work patterns.

Integration & Time Management

The answer is not always less work. Sometimes it is integrating the family into my work. For example, does your work allow the opportunity for you and your spouse to have lunch together from time to time? Such lunches can be an oasis in the midst of a dry day.

If your work requires travel, could you take your spouse or one of your children with you? This allows a mini-vacation which you might not otherwise be able to afford. It also exposes your family to your vocation and gives them a little more appreciation for what you do.

Less work and more time at home is not necessarily the answer. Better use of time at home may make all the difference. Do something different tonight with your spouse or with a child.  Get out of the routine. Minimize the television and maximize activity and conversation.  Keep your marriage alive and growing.

Living with a Depressed Spouse

John is a successful business man, but his wife is suffering from depression. “She spends most mornings in bed, and in the afternoons she just sits around the house,” he said. “She seems to have no ambition. Every night, I have to bring food home for dinner. Many nights she doesn’t eat with us. She has lost forty pounds over the last year. To be truthful, life is pretty miserable at our house. I feel sorry for the kids, although they get more attention than I do. But I know they must wonder what is wrong with their mother.”

John just described some of the classic characteristics of depression. Unfortunately, depression does not go away simply with the passing of time. John’s wife needs medical and psychological help, and without it things will get even worse. Many Christians don’t understand depression. They think it is a spiritual problem. While it may have a spiritual dimension, it is often rooted in physical, and emotional imbalance.

Identifying the Problem

What do you do when your spouse is depressed? First, you must get information. It is helpful to think of three categories of depression. First, depression may be the by-product of a physical illness. When we are physically sick, our minds and emotions move into a depressed state. We temporarily check out. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from constant anxiety about your physical condition.

The second kind of depression is called situational depression or reactive depression. It is a depression that grows out of a particularly painful situation in life.  Many of these experiences involve a sense of loss: the loss of a job, the loss of a child to college, or loss of a friendship.

The third category is depression rooted in some biochemical disorder. It is a physical disease, and must be treated with medication. Visit the library or search the web and learn about depression. It’s the first step in helping your spouse.


Finding the Solution

The healthiest road of treatment involves an honest and in-depth evaluation of three elements: physical, psychological, and spiritual. Seriously depressed persons will seldom take initiative to help themselves. As a caring spouse you must insist that they get help. Depression is not an incurable disease. Even those who have been depressed for months or sometimes years can find relief with the proper treatment.

Long term depression can be devastating to a marriage. If your spouse has been depressed for more than a few weeks, I urge you to take action.

Mom’s Choice Awards Presented to Love Language Books

The Mom’s Choice Awards has named Dr. Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages Singles Edition (Northfield Publishing, 2009), as well as The Five Love Languages of Children (Northfield Publishing, 1997) among the best in family-friendly media, products and services.

The esteemed Mom’s Choice Awards seal helps parents, educators, librarians and retailers wade through an overwhelming number of choices to select quality materials for families.

The Five Love Languages Singles Edition has proven itself a must-read for single adults in all walks of life. This special edition helps readers successfully navigate relationships in the workplace, friendships, and the dating environment. The Five Love Languages of Children explores how speaking the right love language affects and transforms a child’s attitude, behavior, and development.

To learn more about Mom’s Choice Awards, visit www.momschoiceawards.com.

Mom's Choice Awards Presented to Love Language Books

The Mom’s Choice Awards has named Dr. Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages Singles Edition (Northfield Publishing, 2009), as well as The Five Love Languages of Children (Northfield Publishing, 1997) among the best in family-friendly media, products and services.

The esteemed Mom’s Choice Awards seal helps parents, educators, librarians and retailers wade through an overwhelming number of choices to select quality materials for families.

The Five Love Languages Singles Edition has proven itself a must-read for single adults in all walks of life. This special edition helps readers successfully navigate relationships in the workplace, friendships, and the dating environment. The Five Love Languages of Children explores how speaking the right love language affects and transforms a child’s attitude, behavior, and development.

To learn more about Mom’s Choice Awards, visit www.momschoiceawards.com.

Save a Marriage, Save a Tree

Can the book known for saving marriages also save trees? Moody Publishers/Northfield Publishing is pleased to announce that The 5 Love Languages™ by Dr. Gary Chapman will now be printed on 100 percent recycled paper made of 40 percent post consumer waste paper.

“We’re part of an educational organization that practices responsible stewardship through reduction in energy consumption and recycling efforts. Now we’ve taken another important step in caring for God’s creation,” says Greg Thornton, Vice President, Moody Publishers/Northfield Publishing.

With more than six million copies sold, The 5 Love Languages has claimed a regular spot on the New York Times bestseller list. For the first time in the book’s history, its new recycled paper initiative will:

• Save 1,020 trees
• Save 6,000 gallons of gasoline
• Save 624,060 kilowatts of electricity
• Eliminate 3,600 pounds of air pollutants
• Save 198 cubic yards of landfill space.*

Please join us in supporting policies that seek to maximize the efficient use of our world’s resources.

*Figures are based on a printing of 500,000 copies of The 5 Love Languages.

The Best and Worst Public Apologies of 2009

By Guest Blogger: Dr Jennifer Thomas Expert in Relationships

The Best: This year’s winner with 5 stars: Pastor Robin Phillips

Phillips is a former pastor who returned to give a 15-minute apology to his congregation 10 years after his dismissal for having had an affair with a church member. In his unprecedented public apology, Phillips used all five of our languages of apology.

Here is a quote from his apology:

“What I am here to do today is pretty simple. I am here to say I am sorry. I recognize the immeasurable pain, hurt and confusion I brought into this room- into your lives- into your families- into your hearts- and into the hearts of people that you love. My sin didn’t just cause a car wreck. It wasn’t a mere multi-car pile up. It was a train wreck and there were a couple of thousand passengers in those cars. A part of what made it so hard was that in that train wreck it wasn’t just you that got hurt. It was you and your spouse, it was you and your kids, it was you and your friends, it was you and your church. By having an affair, I betrayed you in the worst kind of way.”

The full text of Phillips’ apology can be found on my blog under An Unprecedented Public Apology

The Worst: This year’s loser with 0 stars: representative Virgina Foxx

In May 2009, a North Carolina newspaper reported that U.S. Rep. Virginia Foxx wrote a letter of apology to the mother of Matthew Shepard, a gay young man whose name is on a bill adding sexual orientation to federal hate-crimes legislation.

Foxx was interviewed by WXII, a local television station, after withdrawing the word “hoax”, which she had used in describing Matthew Shepard’s 1998 murder. Foxx added that she sent a handwritten note to Jane Shepard, his mother, saying:

“If I said anything that offended her, I certainly apologize for it and know that she’s hurting, and I would never do anything to add to that.”

My analysis: The word “If” invalidates this apology. If I were to have given her apology even a single star, it would have been revoked with no”ifs, ands, or buts” due to the failure of Rep. Foxx to convey sincerity in her pitiful apology.

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Dr. Jennifer M. Thomas is a motivational speaker and psychologist in private practice in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Jennifer is the co-author, along with Dr. Gary Chapman of The Five Languages of Apology. She consults with companies on leadership and relationship issues. Visit her website: drjenthomas.com

Article Source: http://www.bizymoms.com/expert-advice