September 24, 2012
Q: My husband is resorting to “tests” to prove my devotion. How can I make him more secure in our relationship?
A: When a spouse is putting you to the test and saying, “If you love me you would…” or “You don’t love me because you don’t…” They’re telling you that they are not getting enough love in their love language. So rather than getting defensive about it, which is what we typically do, I would suggest you really focus on speaking their love language. If you don’t know their love language, then go to 5lovelanguages.com, take the free quiz and ask your spouse to take the quiz so that you each know the other’s love language. Then, focus on giving them heavy doses of their primary love language. When they feel secure in your love, they are less likely to be doing what you’re calling, “testing your love.”
April 25, 2012
To be their best, children need to feel loved. But if you and your child speak different love languages, your affection might get lost in translation, affecting the child’s attitude, behavior, and development. In my book for parents, The 5 Love Languages of Children (updated and revised, 2012), Dr. Ross Campbell and I help you to discover and speak your child’s love language and give you practical suggestions for learning how your children interpret love—creating a sense of security in which they can thrive.
This month marks the release of my debut children’s book, A Perfect Pet for Peyton. It’s an entertaining and playful story of five children who each, with the help of “Mr. Chapman” and the unique pets at his special emporium, discover their own personal love language. The story is designed to help kids and their parents learn together about how we give and receive love differently. I really think you’ll enjoy the fun illustrations too! Children and parents alike will experience firsthand the power of the love languages as they cuddle up and spend precious time together reading this book over and over again.
To celebrate the release of A Perfect Pet for Peyton, we are giving away 10 sets of books!
*UPDATE: This contest is now closed and the winners have been chosen. Please keep an eye out for future contests and giveaways!
Enter to win both books by leaving a comment at the end of this post. For extra entries, like my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter and include that you did in a separate comment. Entries must be received by Monday, April 30, 2012 at midnight CST. Winners will be selected randomly and notified by email. To qualify, winners must reside within the U.S. or Canada.
» Note to iPhone Users
As an added bonus, a fun and interactive free app called “Peyton and Friends” is now available for iPhone which will enhance the in-book experience with A Perfect Pet for Peyton. Watch the characters in your book come alive with cutting edge AR (augmented reality) technology—something you have to see to believe. Help Peyton find perfect pets for his friends right in the room you are in using the camera function on your phone, test your pizza making skills against flying pepperoni, hear the talking parrot repeat everything you say, or help Mr. Chapman keep his pocket mouse from escaping with these four games your kids will love.
March 8, 2012
Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” Why would you want to love God? The Apostle John said, “We love God because He first loved us.” Some time ago, I began a study of the various ways in which God expresses His love to us.
I discovered that God speaks all five love languages fluently: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. That study led to the publishing of my book: God Speaks Your Love Language. What makes one person feel loved does not necessarily make another person feel loved. God knows you and He chooses to speak your love language.
June 2, 2011
More than 40 years ago, Dr. Walter Mischel conducted an extensive long-term study at Stanford University that came to be known as the Marshmallow Test. The researcher put a marshmallow in front of a 4 year old child and said: “You can have one marshmallow right now, or you can wait 15 minutes while I do something else and then you can have two marshmallows.
About one third of the children waited and received the second marshmallow. Fourteen years later the same children were interviewed about their present lives. Those who waited had better self-esteem, higher SAT scores, and were considered more socially adept and trustworthy. Patience, is indeed a virtue.
February 16, 2011
Jesus said that the two greatest commands are to love God and love your neighbor. During this week when our society is thinking about Valentine’s Day, what a wonderful time to focus on loving God and your family (who are your closest neighbors). Each day ask yourself: What can I do today that will express my love to God?
Then, ask the same question about your family. For your wife, you might volunteer to wash the dishes. For your daughter you might purchase a valentines card. For your son you might invest an hour in playing with him. Do something each day this week to express your love to God and your family. This is the Christian lifestyle: Love as a Way of Life.
September 10, 2010
You could WIN 2 SIGNED copies of Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married + a $100 Amazon Giftcard!
(1) Upload a video of you asking someone who is married what is one thing they wish they knew before they got married. Then upload to www.facebook.com/5lovelanguages or YouTube and link at Facebook page.
(2) Email 5ll.giveaways @ gmail.com and let us know you uploaded your video…. Include the subject line “Video Contest” and in the body: your Facebook profile name.
Contest will end October 1st, 5 winners will be chosen to receive 2 signed copies of the book (one for yourself, and the other for whoever was featured in the video) with 1 GRAND PRIZE WINNER receiving the 2 books + a $100 GIFTCARD for Amazon.com.
Winners will be considered based on content, creativity, and # of LIKES and announced on the following Monday.
(US and Canadian residents only)
June 6, 2014
Q: I struggle with loving other people. Do you have any suggestions?
Gary: It is difficult to get involved with other people; life is messy. When you reach out to love people who are hurting, you will hurt yourself if you have any emotional health at all. You will sense the pain of other people. But life’s greatest meaning is not discovered in isolation. Life’s greatest meaning is found in reaching out to serve other people. Jesus himself said, “I did not come to be served, I came to serve.” He is our model. Let me encourage you, even though it may be painful, to reach out and get involved in the lives of other people.
June 2, 2014
Q: If I get divorced, will it affect my relationship with God?
Gary: Divorce is never God’s intention. Jesus makes that very clear in the New Testament. Marriage is for a lifetime. I know that there are difficult situations. Sometimes separation can be an act of love if the person is being destructive to you or to themselves. You say, “I cannot continue to support you in this behavior.” Then, after healing has occurred, you return. Divorce, however, is a different thing. Divorce is not an act of love; it’s abandonment. I hope that you will sit down with a pastor or Christian counselor and do everything you possibly can to save your marriage. Divorce does not alleviate problems. It only creates a whole new set of problems that you must then deal with.
May 27, 2014
In a good marriage, there is no king or queen shouting commands, only servants looking for ways to meet the needs of others. Jesus said to His followers, “You know that those who are rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them…Not so with you. Instead whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.” History illustrates this truth. The truly great men and women of any age are those who serve others. Thus, the greatest husbands are the greatest servants. The wife who finds greatest fulfillment is the wife who learns to serve. Let me make it practical. Make a list of the ways you served your spouse yesterday. Based on this list, “How great are you?”
May 22, 2014
Socrates said, “If I could get to the highest place in Athens. I would lift up my voice and say: ‘What mean ye, fellow citizens, that ye turn every stone to scrape wealth together, and take so little care of your children, to whom ye must one day relinquish all?’” In my personal study of anthropology, I have never observed a culture where parents are not expected to provide guidance to their children. Our greatest method of teaching is our model. May I ask you a sobering question? What if your children turn out to be just like you? If you would not be happy with that, then what do you need to change? Why not begin that change today? God is available to help, and so are your friends.