November 21, 2014
Q&A: What should be the boundaries for an ex-spouse who is still in the family picture?
Gary: This is one of the difficult things about second marriages. Whenever divorce takes place, that person isn’t dead, they’re still there. Chances are they’ll be at the wedding of the children and they may be there when the children are sick. And just a lot of other interactions that you cannot avoid. We have to accept that as reality, they’re going to be in the picture, they are part of the family even though the divorce is final. They are still the parent of your children and they’re still your ex spouse. As long as it is not destructive behavior when you are together, you need to make the most of it, you need to accept each other where you are, and you need to ask God to help both of you.
November 17, 2014
Q&A: I have been married for 7 years and recently my husband revealed that he kissed another woman while we were engaged. He insists that nothing else happened, but just wanted to be honest with me about it, but I am still heart-broken.
Gary: You were engaged and not married, and there’s a difference between the two. If I were you I would thank him for sharing this with you even though you find it painful. Because, he’s trying to build an authentic relationship with you; he’s trying to be totally honest with you. So I would thank him for sharing that— let him know it hurts you deeply—but let him also know that you choose to forgive him because you love him and you’re not going to allow one event in the past to mess up your future.
November 10, 2014
Q: I am recently engaged and we are in the military stationed on opposite sides of the country. With physical touch and quality time being our LL’s, how can we survive?”
Gary: You would think that physical touch is impossible half a world away. But, I remember one lady who said, “I put my hand on a sheet of paper. I traced my hand and I mailed it to him with a note that said, ‘Put your hand on my hand, I want to hold your hand.’” He told me later, “Gary, every time I put my hand on that paper, I felt her.” It’s not literal touch but it’s emotional touch. I suggest you get the book: The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. It will give you a lot of practical ideas on how to speak the love languages long distance.
November 7, 2014
Q: If my and my significant other’s astrological signs are not compatible, will this cause problems in the long run?
Gary: There are people who put a lot of stock in astrological signs, I am not one of them. I believe that our relationship with God is the thing that really impacts our relationships with each other more than anything else. If you seek God and you seek to follow His Word, and you build your relationship on the principles of scripture, then you’re going to have good marriage regardless of what your signs might be.
November 6, 2014
Do you have memories of being mistreated as a child? Have your siblings treated you unfairly? When is the last time someone deeply hurt you? How did you respond? Jesus gave clear instructions: When we are mistreated we are to lovingly confront the person who hurt us and seek reconciliation. When we fail to do this the hurt and anger live inside and eventually make us bitter. A bitter man or woman will never reach his or her potential for God and good in the world. The first step in getting rid of anger is to make a list of all the people who have hurt you through the years and then release these people and your anger to God.