Q&A: When a Spouse Doesn’t Seem to be Responding to Their Love Language

Q: I think my wife’s love language is Acts of Service. But she always complains that I don’t do a good enough job at the things I do for her. Why is this?

Gary Chapman: Here’s a clue: In whatever project she would like for you to do, whether it be vacuuming floors, washing dishes, or cleaning the car, say to her, “I would love to help you with this. Tell me what’s important to you when I do this.” This way, you’re really trying to not only do it, but you’re also trying to do it her way. That will speak volumes to her. I know you feel discouraged when you spend an hour doing a chore and don’t get positive feedback, but if you ask her beforehand what she would like you to do and how she would like you to do it, you’re far more likely to find the affirmation that you’re looking for.


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