Time for a Game Plan!
If you entered marriage believing that you could merge lives
effortlessly, the first thing you need to do is change your expectations. The truth is, living together requires many adjustments.
Remember this is not like trying to put up with a college roommate or the person splitting the rent in your apartment, where you can choose to ignore minor irritations or strange habits until the end of the lease. This is your life partner, the one you vowed to stay with until death. And not just stay together, but build an intimate relationship. This week we’ll talk about bringing two lives together in harmony.
You found out he snores like a lumberjack. She squeezes the toothpaste in the middle. He thinks Burger King and laser tag are the ingredients of a romantic evening. She sings the wrong lyrics to every song on the radio.
The key to working through such irritations is to keep them in their proper perspective. Don’t turn molehills into mountains. There is so much about each other that made you fall in love with each other, focus on these things when the little annoyances seem to become big annoyances.
Too many couples view marriage as the finish line of their relationship. They work and work to make it to their wedding day, then sit back and wait for “happily ever after” to begin. If you didn’t enter marriage with a strategy for keeping the relationship alive then you’re in trouble. The wedding is the first step, not the final one. To make your relationship work over the long haul, you need to put the same kind of time, energy, and effort into it after the wedding that you did when you were dating.
How did you act when you were dating? Did you give gifts? Did you always make sure that you had quality time for each other? What are some ways that you can keep that love for each other alive beyond the “in love” feelings?
Definitely need a game plan! We learned that the hard way! Need to speak each others love languages often!
So very true, living with your spouse can be wonderful and trying all at the same time. Thanks for such timely advice!
Your post came at a great time, Dr. Chapman, thank you. I was turning a molehill into a mountain.
And, of course, I know better but sometimes I need to see it right in front of me. I am hoping to read your new book when it comes out. Thanks!
I have noticed that my husband and I spent a lot more time together BEFORE we were married than we do now that we're married. Of course we have four kids now and my husband has started his own business, but we have to really try hard to find quality time together, alone.
Very true! One thing that helped me to stop making molehills was a newsletter you sent out over a year ago. Where you explained how Love is commanded, thus its not a "feeling" but an action. I dont expect those "pre" marriage wonderful feelings i had. Instead i now open my eyes to his expressions of love, and aim every day to express back to him.
Do you have a camera in my house? LOL! Thank you for all that you do, you have been a God send.
Basically, we women want a fairy tale, and some of us who are older want it just as much as our younger sisters. I want the fairy tale where I marry my prince but I am also wanting it to last however much time God allows. My boyfriend and I are still learning to understand each other.
It can definately be hard to blend two different lives together. How do you get over small things such as taking your shoes off at the door, when it means the world to you, but your spouse thinks its dumb because that is not the way they grew up and how they have lived before. I think it is fair to respect such a small thing, especially since I am the housekeepr. Any suggestions?
Who won the July book contest- who won the trip and who won the special blog announcement and received 2 books?